Pretend Your Kids Are There

Do you ever feel like you aren’t presenting yourself exactly the way you want to with certain people?

Maybe it’s a boss or a coworker. Maybe even a friend or family member.

Does the other person talk over you? Do you apologize a lot to someone in particular? Does the natural dynamic between you and this person just not feel “right” for whatever reason?

Maybe it’s not even that overt. Maybe you just habitually behave a little differently around certain people.

Maybe you long to be more confident and assertive in all your interactions with others. Perhaps you just want to appear to have more gravitas. Perhaps you want to appear calmer and more in control of things.

Sometimes this feeling happens at work. You have a boss or a manager whom you naturally want to please so you automatically mentally place yourself “below” them. You don’t view yourself as an equal so you naturally assume that role.

Then you realize what’s happening and think, “Wait a second! I don’t want to be that person!”

But what can you do? How can you consciously change the social dynamic?

I found a very effective method for immediately transforming how I interact with others.

I pretend my kids are in the room.

I ask myself: “How would I want my kids to perceive me in my interactions with this person? How would I want my kids to view me?”

I don’t know about you, but I am always very careful about how I present myself to others when my sons are around. Not only do I always want them to know that Dad is in control and is keeping them safe, but I want them to see how a man navigates social encounters.

If you imagine that your kids are in the room with you, it will keep you in check so you don’t either lower yourself OR behave in a way that is unbecoming of a man and a father

Graciousness and confidence are two adjectives that come to mind here. Those are what I want my kids to see when they see me interacting with someone. And yes, that also translates to what I wear and how I physically present myself.

I want them to see me actively listening. I want them to see me paying or receiving a compliment. I want them to see me disagree respectfully. I want them to see me tell a story. I want them to see me accept criticism. I want them to see me speak my mind.

And even if it’s just a façade for their benefit, I want them to see me as confident and in control. The loving and compassionate king of their lives.

I would never allow my children to see me take part in an unbalanced relationship. It would confuse and upset them. I would never give them evidence which allows them to think “Yikes, my dad isn’t in control when this other person is around.”

I don’t want them to see me interact with someone else and think “Daddy is lower status than this person and I should look up to THEM instead.”

Don’t give up your status in your kids’ eyes. Actively work to maintain that status.

This doesn’t mean to pretend you’re someone you’re not. It simply means to behave in a way that wouldn’t make your kids wonder who really calls the shots in your life. We all answer to someone and it’s not wrong for kids to know that. But it’s critical that they see how Dad goes about handling that reality.

Is he flustered? Is he submissive? Is he bitter?

Of course not. He is gracious, kind, confident, and assertive IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES. His personality doesn’t change based on whom he is talking to. He doesn’t alter his opinions or demeanor based on his audience.

He is constant. He is the same man at work or with his friends as he is at home.

And he has his kids to thank for it.