How To Determine The Formality Level Of An Event (Without Asking)
The internet is full of articles about how to decipher different dress codes for various events. If you’re looking for the definitions of “black tie optional” or “beach formal” then you’re in luck, as most menswear sites have tackled that topic pretty thoroughly.
And really, as intelligent, capable men, I think we all can figure out how to dress when there is, for instance, an evening wedding at a nice hall in the city and the dress code is “cocktail attire”.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually have any trouble figuring out what a dress code means. I find that the definition of the dress code isn’t the issue.
The bigger problem is when there is an event with no stated dress code. You’re left wondering just how casual or formal you should go. I’m also mostly referring to events that aren’t as easily classified, like a wedding. Think dinner with your wife’s extended family. Or a baby shower at a local restaurant. Or a celebratory anniversary lunch with distant friends.
In those instances, how can you determine the correct level of formality?
The “dress code” articles you’ll usually find on the internet advise that it’s perfectly acceptable to reach out to the host of the event and ask. While that is true, it’s not all that practical.
Are you really going to call or message someone you may only peripherally know and ask them what to wear? That seems a little silly. And honestly, it’s a little childish.
Grown-ups expect other grown-ups to know how to dress themselves in public without someone else having to hold their hand and tell them what to wear.
The host will have no problem telling you, “Oh, it’s just an informal get-together” but don’t bother them with “Um… so should I wear a jacket?”
They don’t want to talk to you about the minutiae of your outfit.
Part of being stylish is knowing what to wear even when it isn’t spelled out for you in black and white.
Here are the key things to consider when determining how formal to dress for any occasion…
First, consider the location and venue. As I said earlier, if it’s a nice hall in a city, then you can be fairly confident that dressing up a bit would not be out of place. However, if it’s a brewery in the country, you might feel a little overdressed if you showed up in a jacket and tie.
What time of day is the event? Anything during daylight hours usually means there is more latitude with how casual you can go. In the evening, it’s better to skew more towards the “dressed up” side.
Also, what’s the food situation? Catered events are usually more formal than pot-luck style get-togethers.
Lastly, consider who is throwing the event. Is it a couple you know from college where the husband is in finance and the wife has a trust fund? Maybe shine your shoes for that one. On the other hand, if you know the people throwing the event don’t go anywhere without Crocs, cargo shorts, and Nalgene bottles, you can probably just throw on any ‘ol thing and call it a day.
The key to these things is to not stand out. I know that’s hard for some people to grasp, especially those of us who like to get dressed up, but it isn’t about you.
Sure, dressing well can absolutely convey the respect you have for the hosts and the event. That’s certainly important. But be careful of crossing over into inelegantly drawing attention to yourself by purposely attempting to be the best-dressed guy in the room.
Your goal should be to dress well enough to show that you care, but not so well that people think you have a court appearance later.
Ok, so we have covered how to determine how formal/casual an event is. But how does that apply to your outfit if an event kind of falls in the middle of the formal-casual spectrum?
Put simply, the two biggest decisions you need to make are whether you should wear a jacket and if so, whether you should also wear a tie. That’s the simplest way to think about it. If you can answer those two questions, then the rest of your outfit will fall into place.
If you can say with certainty that a jacket would be too much, then the event is probably pretty casual. In those cases, a sweater, polo shirt, or oxford-button-down will work. Go with some tried-and-true khaki pants and some brown boots or loafers and you’ll be just fine.
If you decide that a jacket would be appropriate, but a tie would be too much, then your best options are either a classic navy blazer or a tweed jacket. Both are dressed up enough to convey the respect you have for the occasion, but not so formal that you’ll be out of place.
If, however, you determine that a jacket AND tie are in order, then anything up to and including a full suit is your best bet.
So, when you’re struggling with what to wear, just think to yourself, “Should I wear a jacket? And if so, should I also wear a tie?”
“This all sounds fine”, you might say, “But why does it matter so much?”
The reason all this matters is because your kids are watching. They’re watching you to see what makes Daddy get dressed up. They’re also watching to see when Daddy doesn’t get dressed up. Watching how you navigate these circumstances will give them the knowledge they need to do the same when they are adults.
When they grow up and have social engagements of their own, they are going to remember how Daddy wore a suit to this wedding but not to that one. Or how he wore a tie to that christening but not to that funeral. The common thread in just about everything I write is that your ability to dress elegantly and stylishly will trickle down to your kids. Your ease in your clothes says a lot about you. Your kids marinate in that for their whole lives.
Even if they don’t share your love of clothes, they will have at least a familiarity with dressing appropriately and they will understand that, yes, people do notice and it does make a difference.
