How To Take Your Children To A Restaurant (Without Losing Your Mind)
This site is all about style. Part of being stylish is knowing how to manage different situations with grace.
Taking children to a restaurant will challenge said grace. Because, let’s face it, having children in a restaurant can be awful for everyone involved.
But it doesn’t have to be.
Before you have kids, you have grand ideas about how YOUR kids will behave in a restaurant. Remember that scene in Titanic when Kate Winslet looks at the little girl daintily placing her napkin on her lap?
Yeah, we all think our kids are going to be like that.
The reality is that our kids are more like the monkeys throwing knives at Kirsten Dunst in Jumanji.
So, how do we manage taking our kids out to a restaurant while keeping our sanity?
First things first. Manage your expectations. Having your kids out to dinner (or lunch) is not going to be the same kind of experience you had with your wife before you had children. You’re not going to be able to linger over the menu, take your time with each course, chat with the chef, and enjoy deep conversation with each other.
As long as you understand what being at a public meal with children is like, you will be able to handle it much more gracefully.
This advice will look different depending on how old your kids are. Let’s begin…
If you have a baby, the only thing you need to worry about is the child crying too much. When my first son was four months old, I planned a weekend trip to Portland, Maine for my wife’s birthday. The whole trip consisted of eating at amazing restaurants. When I called to make each reservation, I made sure to tell them that we would be dining with a little baby and, if possible, could they put us at an out-of-the-way table so that we wouldn’t disturb other guests in case my son was fussy that night.
In every instance, the restaurant was more than accommodating and situated us at a table that wasn’t right in the middle of the action. Honestly, no one should feel too uncomfortable if their baby cries in public, but we were new parents and wanted to be polite.
Any time my son was a little fussy, my wife would feed him and he was happy as a clam. Eventually, he just fell asleep.
If your child is a bit older, like a toddler, things are a bit more complicated. To begin, you can strap them into a high-chair with some toys, but this will only last for a little while. I recommend you and your wife sit on opposite sides of the child so you can tag-team.
With really little kids, bring some snacks with you to the restaurant. I know it kind of defeats the purpose of going out to eat if you’re just going to feed the kid Cheerios from a sandwich bag, but you’ll need something to stuff in the kid’s mouth as soon as you sit down in order to keep them happy until the actual food comes.
Once the toddler is a little bigger, as in “has just gotten good at walking and doesn’t want to sit still for any length of time” then you are in for a real challenge. To be honest with you, there is a span of time for every child where you just shouldn’t take them to restaurants because it’s not going to be enjoyable for you, at all. Your kid won’t want to stay in the high-chair or sit with you in the booth. They don’t want to play with toys. What they want to do is run around! So, you’ll spend the time either chasing your kid around the dining room or sitting alone at the table while your spouse chases the kid.
When you catch your kid and try to coax them back to the table, they’ll cry and scream.
If your kid is in this age range, just don’t take them out to eat. Trust me, you’re not going to have any fun and you’ll feel like you wasted your money.
Ok, now your kids are a little older (like pre-school through elementary school age). At this point, they are more likely to be able to sit still for an hour or so.
Notice how I said “an hour or so”. You’re still not going to be able to do those marathon dinners you did when you were childless. You need to understand that an hour for a child is a big chunk of their life! Here are some tips that my wife and I follow for our kids (ages six and three).
Make sure you look at the menu beforehand to ensure there is something your kids absolutely will eat. Don’t take any risks. If your kid likes grilled cheese, get them the damned grilled cheese. Expanding their gastronomic horizons is for HOME when you have the option to give them some buttered toast if they turn up their noses at what you prepared.
Remember how I said that when my son was a baby I made sure the restaurant would place us in an out-of-the-way spot? That’s still a good idea with school-age kids. I’ve probably said to a thousand hostesses, “A booth in the back, please.”
Booths are better than regular tables. Have the kids slide into the booth and then have you or your wife sit on the end to make it harder for your children to escape.
Ok, so now you’re comfortably settled at your table. Since you already looked at the menu beforehand, make sure you order immediately! I’m talking order everything as soon as the server walks up to you. DO NOT dither over the menu or ask for extra time or wait until the server comes back with waters or anything you would do if you were out with grown-ups. As soon as the server says “Hi, my name is…” place that damn order and instruct them to bring everything out AT THE SAME TIME. It’s the worst when you have hungry children on the cusp of a meltdown and the server only brings out Aunt Sally’s beet salad since it’s technically an appetizer and should come out first.
At least order some juice for the kids straightaway so they have something in front of them while the adults decide what they want.
Once the food has come you can relax a little bit, since the children will be sidetracked. Throughout the meal, it’s ok to encourage the children to eat the food you’re paying for, but don’t get all bent out of shape if they only want to eat French fries. Are they happy and relatively quiet? Good. Eat all the fries you want. You can always box everything else up and give it to them later.
Unfortunately, children will probably be done with their meal before you. Whether they actually ATE their meal is neither here nor there. But they will be done approximately thirty minutes before anyone over the age of twenty is ready to leave the table. How do you keep them occupied? Well, it’s always a good idea to have a few little toys on hand with which they can play quietly at the table, but that can sometimes get out of hand and there is always the chance of them dropping or losing something.
This is where screen time comes in. I know what you’re thinking. “Shouldn’t I be teaching my kids how to properly act in a restaurant without being entertained every second? Shouldn’t they have to deal with being a little bored once in a while? Doesn’t that teach them resilience?”
Yes, to all of that. But I also want to enjoy my $30 lobster roll, thank you very much!
If you’re in a restaurant with children, screen time is a gift from God. Once they start getting a little antsy, put Disney+ or PBS Kids on your phone on low volume, prop it against the ketchup bottle and you’ll be able to relax and enjoy the adult conversation for the remainder of the meal.
Do you think that you would never let YOUR kids watch a screen in a restaurant? Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids.
One important aspect of dining out with children that often gets overlooked is demonstrating to them how to behave when things don’t exactly go your way. Even though we are a little more stressed when we’re out with the kids, we are still just as gracious (even more so!) with the wait staff. We smile and chat. We are polite. If something goes “wrong” we handle it cheerfully. We always clean up after ourselves and we always leave a big, fat tip.
After reading all of this, you might be a little intimidated at the thought of bringing your little cherub out to eat. Just remember that WE HAVE ALL BEEN THERE. Most of the other adults in the restaurant have gone through exactly what you’re going through now. You’re not alone. We know how hard it can be! This is why my wife and I always make a point to smile at kids and their parents when we see them at restaurants, just to signal to the parents that it’s all ok! We don’t mind if the kids are a little rambunctious or a little too loud. We’ve been in your shoes. Don’t worry about it!
Going out to a meal with children can be lovely, and I find it usually is! My kids aren’t always perfect little angels, but they don’t need to be in order for me to enjoy myself. Yes, there are bumps sometimes. But my wife and I take reasonable precautions to help make sure everything runs as smoothly as possible.
Throwback pic from 2017!
