You Shouldn’t Feel Comfortable Being Disconnected

With how tech-centric our lives are, there has been a growing trend to “disconnect” for a little while.

I periodically see articles on other men’s interest sites about how relaxing and freeing it feels to just unplug from our devices for a bit. It’s usually hinted at in the article in question that being too connected to our devices is fussy and unmanly and that disconnecting is a way to reconnect with our inner… something or other.

I get where they’re coming from. I get that sometimes one needs a bit of a technology cleanse. I know I always feel a little scuzzy if my screentime has been too high. That feeling always goes away once I purposely put my phone away for a while.

I’ve never really been into “tech”. It’s just not something that has ever really interested me. I’ve never been into video games. I don’t care about having a nice TV. I can’t fathom the idea of wearing a smartwatch. I don’t hook my cell phone up to my vehicle so I can talk while driving. I don’t like that cars don’t have CD players anymore. I don’t want to control my thermostat with an app.

I think it boils down to the fact that I just don’t want to learn something new.

No, I don’t want to figure out how to sync up this little plastic thing with that other little plastic thing so that all my little plastic things can talk to each other. It’s all going to be obsolete in a few years anyway!

When it comes to being disconnected, you probably think I absolutely love the idea.

And I do… to some extent.

I’m an introvert so I draw energy from relative solitude. That coupled with my general distaste for technology means that I’m happy as can be to sit by a fire with a book or sit outside with a beer and listen to the wind. Often, in the evenings, my wife and I chat and listen to the radio.

I like long walks and long drives. I like to spend time just thinking and daydreaming.

Even though I like being largely analog, this is NOT one of those crunchy, Walden-esque articles that tells you how cool it is to unplug entirely and get away from it all. Those articles always have a whiff of holier-than-thou which doesn’t sit well with me. We all need technology in our lives to some degree (even someone like me) and I certainly don’t think I am better than anyone else simply because I prefer not to use much of it. I mean, I get annoyed when the wi-fi is slow just like any other normal person.

But here is what those “just disconnect and start living, man!” articles fail to mention…

You shouldn’t feel comfortable being totally disconnected.

By “totally disconnected” I mean “intentionally unreachable”, as in: purposely not near a phone or computer or any other way to be contacted.

You shouldn’t feel comfortable being totally unreachable. If you’re ok with not being able to be reached for any length of time, I have a VERY uncomfortable truth for you…

You’re not important.

Ok…hear me out on this.

Do you go hiking with the guys in areas with no cell service? Do you go golfing and leave your phone on silent in your bag for hours?

If that sounds like you, then listen up.

If you’re totally fine with the prospect of no one being able to reach you for any reason, that means that you probably aren’t needed for anything. It means that no one is going to call you for advice. Or call you to chat.

Or call you if there’s an emergency.

If you’re a dad, being unreachable is unacceptable. You have at least two people who depend on you in some way: your wife/partner and your child. You are an integral part of those people’s lives. You play a critical role in every single one of their days.

Or at least that should describe you.

You should be the first person your wife calls if something good or bad happens. You should be part of the “team” if there’s an emergency.

Are you?

If you’re not that person for your wife then you need to figure out why.

Are you reliable? Are you predictable? Do you do what you say you’re going to do? Do you tackle things that need to get done?

Or are you one of those guys who needs his wife to write him a list? Are you one of those guys who doesn’t come home when you say you’re going to be home? Are you one of those guys who leaves all the domestic work to your wife because “she’s better at it”?

If you’re one of those guys then I bet you feel just fine being disconnected. You don’t mind that no one can reach you because you’re not the first person others think of when they need somebody.

Are you really ok with that?

Are there times when I need to be unreachable? Sure. I might go through a dead zone while driving. I’ll obviously turn my phone off if I’m in an interview, or something like that. But those are small, unavoidable snippets of time. Those aren’t intentional, prolonged disconnections.

And once I am able, I immediately look at my messages or turn my phone back on to make sure everything is alright.

I don’t want you to feel bad after reading this article and my goal is not to be insulting. I just want to point out something that might not be obvious, especially from a lot of content out there that seems to lionize those who like to be disconnected in the problematic way I am referring to.

I imagine some people will say, “Well, back before cell phones we were ‘disconnected’ all the time and everything was fine!”

Yes, of course that’s true. But at that time we also built little safety nets into our day like telling people where we were going, letting them know when we would be there, and giving them contact information like phone numbers and addresses of our destinations in case they needed to reach us. Those bits of information have largely fallen out of our conversations because they aren’t needed since we all carry our phones everywhere.

If you now realize that the way you feel being disconnected is problematic, then you’re in luck because it’s something you can absolutely change. Step up to the plate at home more often with both your wife and kids and you will begin to be indispensable.

It’s not problematic to enjoy being a little disconnected. Turn off the TV. Put down the video games. Even turn off the various app notifications on your phone.

Take a walk. Sit under a tree. Read a book.

Just take your phone with you.