Why Perspective Is So Important In Menswear

When my mom and dad started dating, my dad (who was from the Bronx) would tell people he was seeing a girl from “upstate”.

My mom is from Hastings. Want to know where that is?

Here…

Now, if you’ve ever spent any time in New York, you’re more than likely familiar with the heated debate over where exactly “Upstate New York” begins.

For anyone living in NYC or Long Island, Yonkers might as well be Plattsburgh.

Travel a bit north of NYC. Is that “upstate”? Nope. People will say that’s the Hudson Valley.

Ok, keep going and you’ll hit Albany. Is that “upstate”? Nope. That’s the Capital Region.

Fine. Let’s head west to Binghamton. Is that “upstate”? No, silly! That’s the Southern Tier!

Alright, let’s go north from there. What about Ithaca? Surely THAT’S “upstate”, right? Wrong again! That’s the Finger Lakes Region.

Good grief… Ok, how about Syracuse? Syracuse has got to be considered “upstate”! Actually, folks there will point to a map and tell you that Syracuse is, in fact, Central New York.

So, where exactly does the mythical land of “Steamed Hams” actually begin? It seems like the only agreed-upon “upstate” is the Adirondacks simply because you can’t go any farther north without crossing into Canada.

This is why no one can agree on this… someone who lives in any other part of the state see a huge swath of land north of them and concludes that they can’t possibly live in “Upstate New York” because there is so much stuff north of the area that means the most to them: their home. So, logically, they can’t be living in “Upstate New York”, because if they are then what would you call the area to the north of them?

That’s why everyone in the city has that somewhat comical view that everything NOT in NYC is “upstate”.

So, everyone’s opinions and views are determined and anchored by what THEY think is the most important. And they’re not wrong.

Why am I bringing all this up and what does it have to do with menswear? Well, it’s important to keep proper perspective when it comes to all things, obviously, but especially when it comes to something like our clothing. Because clothes not only affect the way we feel about ourselves, they also affect how we feel about others. Sure, they can help us feel good but they’re also often the reason why we, sometimes inadvertently, look down upon and judge others who don’t share perspectives similar to ours. That’s bad!

Here’s what got me thinking about all of this…

I live in an area of the Northeast that starts to see an influx of tourists starting in the fall. These tourists are usually here to ski, so they’re more often than not pretty well-off. It’s not unusual around this time of year to see Corvettes and Mercedes on the road next to the usual mix of Subarus and pick-up trucks.

Whenever I see an expensive vehicle, especially one that is so woefully incapable of handling my town’s weather, I find it so fascinating that someone would drop so much money on something like that.

Because I’ve never been a “car guy”. To me, cars are simple means of conveyance. The vehicles I drive (truck and SUV) do what I need them to do, namely get my family and me around town in the rain, snow, and mud. I don’t view my vehicles as an outward expression of myself. They’re just tools. I didn’t purchase my vehicles because I wanted people to view me in a certain way.

But many people do purchase vehicles for that reason! Just like many people take great pride in maintaining a nice lawn, there are plenty of people who purchase certain vehicles because they feel that driving those vehicles helps them present their best selves to the world. And just because they drive a nice car doesn’t mean they are always well-dressed.

So, my first reaction to seeing someone who drives a nice car who is dressed like a slob is to judge them on their clothes (not their car) and assume they don’t have self-respect (or respect for others) or care about their appearance or how people view them.

BUT THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THEY THINK OF ME for caring about my clothes but not my car!

They might think, “Wow, this guy doesn’t even try to look presentable. Look at that dirty truck he’s driving. Doesn’t he care?”

Unfortunately, that’s too often how WE unintentionally view others when we feel they don’t dress up to snuff. There are so many articles on the internet that are dripping with disdain for people who don’t view clothing as we do. Now, I’m not suggesting we just give everyone a free pass and not judge them if they dress in a way that’s disrespectful. A little judgement here and there is a good thing for society. I also obviously spend a lot of time creating content which encourages men to dress in a way that I consider “well”.

But I don’t judge people and look down on them if they’re dressed differently than me as long as they have made an effort!

I wrote a while back about a young couple I once saw on the street. They looked like they were headed to dinner or cocktails or something. The woman was wearing a dress, makeup, and high-heels. The man wore shorts and sneakers, but he clearly made an effort to look nice even though his version of “nice” wasn’t the same as mine. If I were advising this young man on what to wear to dinner with his girlfriend I wouldn’t have suggested shorts and sneakers, but it was evident that he put in effort to look nice alongside his date, as the shorts were well-fitting chinos and the sneakers were clean, white, and minimalistic. His shirt was a knit polo, if I remember correctly. So, again, not MY idea of date-night attire, but the EFFORT was there. The respect he had for his date and the occasion was obvious. Honestly, the two of them looked great.

My point here is that some guy in sweatpants casts the same critical eye at you as you do at him, just for different reasons. Just because we wear jackets and ties doesn’t necessarily mean we “care” more than other people, we are just using a different measuring stick.

So, if you’re new to menswear or if you’re an old hand, make sure the only person you are judging is your past self. Your journey of self-improvement is through your clothes (as is mine) but that’s not true for everyone. Some people view clothes the same way I view cars. Just tools. Means to an end. Those people feel like different aspects of their lives, other than clothes, present them authentically to the world. Those aspects might be their cars, lawns, jobs, or relationships, but it’s not always their clothes. And we need to keep that in mind.

Bottom line: dress nicely, just don’t be a jerk about it.

And for the record, “Upstate New York” begins in northern Putnam County.

Glad that’s settled.