Stillness Is Stylish

One of the actors my wife and I (especially my wife) love watching is Clark Gable.

When you watch Gone With The Wind or It Happened One Night it’s obvious why he was so popular from the mid-1930s through the early 1960s. He’s fit. He’s handsome. He’s charismatic.

Other than natural good-looks, those are traits that certainly can be attained although sometimes only with great effort. Fitness takes time and perseverance. Charisma is more of an amalgamation or end-result of all the other traits combined rather than one particular skill one can hone.

But there is one aspect of Gable’s on-screen persona that I feel is overlooked when it comes to his appeal. And, interestingly, it’s the one that’s the easiest for us mere mortals to adopt.

And that is his “stillness”.

Watch a Clark Gable movie and take notice of what he does when he enters a scene.

He’s perfectly still.

Whether he is interacting with another actor or simply in the background while the scene is unfolding, he is often completely physically still. It doesn’t matter whether he is standing or sitting.

He isn’t fidgety. He isn’t futzing with his tie or rearranging his pocket square. If he happens to be doing something like lighting his pipe, it’s motion with a purpose. The motion has a beginning and an end. There is no unnecessary or “wasted” movement. And when he is done… he’s still again. He’s simply watching and listening to the other actors and reacting when he needs to.

That stillness is so powerful!

What does stillness say about someone? Does it convey calmness? What about confidence? Or capability? Does it indicate the person is present? Does it show they’re listening to you? Does it imply that the person is interested in you and what you have to say?

When you enter a room and sit down, what do you do? Are you nervously bouncing your foot? Do you immediately whip out your phone and start scrolling social media? Do you anxiously check the sports scores? Are you firing off (largely unnecessary) work emails?

Or are you still?

Are you comfortable in the company of your own mind? Are you at ease when there is nothing around to distract you?

I started thinking about this the other day when I was in the waiting room of my eye doctor. As I sat day-dreaming and waiting for my name to be called, I looked across the way (into another store) and saw a man sitting cross-legged and playing on his phone. Even though he wasn’t moving all that much, his energy was so amped-up!

He didn’t appear relaxed. He didn’t appear confident. He looked like a child playing a video game.

Don’t let this be you.

Nervous energy isn’t stylish. Being jittery and ill-at-ease isn’t stylish.

Stillness is stylish. Stillness relaxes the people around you. Others feel comfortable in your presence when you are still.

When it comes to interacting with others, it’s important to remember that other people don’t really care about you or what you have to say (other than your wife and family, that is). What people care about is HOW YOU MAKE THEM FEEL.

They don’t care about your stories. They don’t care about what you know or what you have done. All that matters to them is how they feel in your presence.

Do they feel listened to? Do they feel important? Do they feel heard? Do you make them feel like they are the most important person at that moment?

One of the best ways to make people feel good around you is to be STILL around them. Put others at ease with your natural calmness. You don’t have to be a great conversationalist. You don’t have to the smartest guy in the room. If you are calm, relaxed, and still you’ll make people want to be around you.

Stillness doesn’t necessarily mean doing nothing, mind you. You can read a book or a newspaper or engage in conversation and still be “still”. I don’t mean you should be a statue. I’m saying you should try to channel any nervous energy you feel into a curiosity for and engagement in your environment.

I am a naturally anxious person, so this is something I have needed to specifically work on. One of the best ways to do this is to actively take notice of things around you. If you are noticing what’s around you, you won’t have any mental energy for fidgeting.

Look around you. What do you see? That child has blonde hair. That dog has a blue leash. That cloud looks like a turtle. That truck is really loud. This chair isn’t very comfortable.

Taking mental notes of what’s happening around you will occupy your brain so that you aren’t focusing on being somewhere else… which is often the reason why we engage in those nervous activities like fidgeting.

Another great way to achieve stillness, when you are by yourself, is to have a few engaging fantasies at the ready.

No, I’m not talking about THOSE kinds of fantasies!

I’m talking about little, productive daydreams that can keep your mind occupied for a few minutes while you wait for the bus or sit in the doctor’s office.

Think about the next step you need to take to launch your business and what it will be like when it gets off the ground! Think about what you’ll wear the next time you and your wife go out to dinner. Think about how nice it will be when you finally get that promotion at work.

Those daydreams are productive. They’re high-quality thoughts that get you excited to take action. Moments of stillness are perfect times to revisit them.

Like any new skill, stillness takes practice. But once you develop it a little, you’ll find yourself enjoying more moments of your day.