Sing Around Your Children
“If a king can’t sing, it ain’t worth being king!”
That’s a line delivered by Sean Connery’s character, Danny, in John Huston’s 1975 film, The Man Who Would Be King.
Danny and his friend, Peachy, played by Michael Caine, are British soldiers in the late 1800s, who are traveling through the wilds north of India to become kings. Peachy admonishes Danny for singing too loudly while they trek through the mountains, fearful that Danny will cause an avalanche.
Danny’s right, though. Singing is important.
It’s especially important to sing around your children.
Now, notice how I said “around”. I didn’t say “to”. While singing TO your children is important, I believe it’s even more important to sing AROUND your kids. What I mean is, it’s important that your kids observe you singing throughout your day to day life.
Humming a tune while you cook dinner. Singing in the car on the way to school. Singing along to the credits of the movie they just finished.
Why is it important for children to see their dad sing regularly?
Well, first of all, it’s always helpful to try to tear down stupid stereotypes. Singing is one of those things that is viewed as feminine or unmanly (along with dancing or painting). If you have sons, it’s important that they see their dad singing so that they don’t share those limited views. I wrote an article some time ago about how wearing colors can combat similar stereotypes and help ensure your kids won’t judge others. It’s the same with singing. My dad was not a particularly good singer, but I vividly remember him belting out Carmen when I was five years old.
This all reminds me of a time when my wife and I were out having a drink with a good friend of ours. All of a sudden, we heard this powerful operatic voice echoing through the room! We looked towards the bar and saw a somewhat dumpy guy casually leaning against the bar and… singing to the girl standing next to him. She was much more conventionally attractive than he was and I assume he told her he was a singer to which she probably said something like, “Oh yeah? Prove it!”
And man did he blow the doors off the place! Our glasses practically shook with the power of this guy’s voice. Once he stopped the whole place erupted in cheers.
And yes, the girl was most certainly impressed.
If that doesn’t dispel the myth that singing is unmanly, I don’t know what would!
If you are still stuck on thinking that male singers are poofs, then check out the likes of Philip Quast, Anthony Warlow, Brian Stokes Mitchell, John Raitt, or Howard Keel.
I think the most important reason to sing, though, is the freedom of expression. As an adult man, when else can you really project vocally and have it be socially acceptable? You can’t yell or scream or bellow in any other circumstance. But if you’re singing, you can express a wide range of (quite audible) emotions! What a wonderful thing to have such a safe space! It’s very important for kids to hear their dad express himself in a healthy way!
Singing is also very physically healthy. It requires you to relax, stretch, and take deep belly breaths which is not only helpful when doing exercise of any kind, but it also helps a great deal with anxiety and stress regulation. When I’m chopping wood or doing hill sprints, I breathe the same way I would if I was singing. If I feel nervous, I breathe the same I would if I was singing.
Singing is an excellent way to build confidence. Sure, stepping out onto a stage is daunting for anyone, but it also takes confidence to simply sing around other people like your family or friends. Singing helps build confidence around that aforementioned expression. It helps kids feel comfortable communicating feelings that can be quite big, at times. Also, it helps them learn how to be leaders. We’ve all seen little kids’ chorus concerts where 99% of them are mumbling and staring at their feet. But there are always one or two kids confidently belting out the tunes. The other 99% look to those kids for what to do! They view THEM as the leaders of the group. You want your kid to be that leader. And the only way they’ll become that leader is if singing is a normal, everyday occurrence in their lives. And that comes from YOU singing around them regularly.
It’s also a good way for kids, especially boys, to garner positive attention from others. I have always been very anxious and, especially as a young man, struggled with confidence issues. I was naturally good at singing, though, and the compliments and positive attention I got from it helped my self-esteem immensely.
As someone who was more interested in sports as a kid, singing also allowed me access to a community where I would meet some of the most important people in my life. After all, my wife and I met in a singing group in college, so singing has brought me all sorts of wonderful things!
It also helped my leadership and executive skills later in life. As an almost-middle-aged-professional, I am quite good at “presenting” myself in front of others, be it during an interview or a presentation for a CEO. I know how to breathe, speak, and move in front of other people without looking lost or nervous and I attribute that to performing. And I never would have performed in front of others had I not started SINGING in front of others in the first place.
So, I encourage you to allow your children to hear you sing throughout your day, even if you suck at it (especially if you suck at it!). It will help build their confidence and enhance their social skills.
