Decide What You Want To “Say” To The World

What I am going to explain today is a concept I have touched upon in a handful of other articles. The reason why I decided to give this concept its own dedicated article was because it was something I found myself repeating over and over again in this space as well as places like Reddit where I constantly see questions like “How do I establish/find my own style?”

One of the best pieces of advice I can give to someone who is starting out in the world of menswear or just wanting to improve their style is to decide what they want to “say” to the world.

Lots of men, in the beginning of their sartorial journey, will scroll through Instagram or TikTok looking for inspiration. They’ll see some things they like and wish they could “pull off”. They might even try to emulate in the real world what they see online only to feel artificial and a little foolish.

Thus, nothing really “sticks”. Nothing really feels like them. And they are left wondering if they are doing something wrong. Or EVERYTHING wrong!

And I always say the same thing… decide what you want to “say” to the world.

The reason I put the word “say” in quotations is because clothing is a language. It’s the thing that announces us to other people. It’s the first thing people see when they lay eyes upon us. It’s what they base their snap judgements on.

Is all of that unfair. Maybe. I argue it ISN’T. Regardless of how you feel about it, it’s the truth.

What we wear is a form of communication.

So, what are you currently communicating to the world? What do you WANT to communicate to the world? What do you want the world to think about you? Believe about you?

When I was a young man and just starting to get the inkling that dressing well was important to my personal and professional interests, I wanted the world to view me as mature, capable, and responsible.

I’ve always felt like I had a “young” look (maybe not anymore, but certainly then). Even in my twenties people often mistook me for a high school student. Combine that with the fact that I often wore t-shirts and cargo shorts and it’s no wonder most people didn’t consider me an actual adult.

Then I discovered the power of clothing. I realized that the way I dressed could dramatically sway the opinions of others. Again, I wanted people to think of me as a proper grown-up. I couldn’t do that in AC/DC shirts and sweat-stained baseball caps.

So, I started wearing things like khaki pants, oxford shirts, and sweaters. In more formal settings I donned tweed jackets, ties, and loafers.

Not all of this happened at once, mind you. It took years of exploring and trial-and-error before I arrived at my current style.

My point is that what I wanted to “say” to the world guided me toward what my style eventually became. That’s why my style feels authentic to me… because it accomplishes what I wanted it to.

In acting you’re taught to pursue an “action”. In every scene there is something that you want from someone else. It’s really hard to “be” something… it’s much easier to DO something. To affect someone else’s behavior.

It’s the same thing with clothes. I wanted to do something to make someone else do something. Namely, I wanted to dress a certain way in order to make someone else think of me the way I wanted them to.

What I wanted to “say” to the world is “I am a mature adult. You can trust me. I am responsible.”

And so I dressed the way someone like that would dress.

That’s the message I am sending to whoever sees me.

So, what is it that YOU want to “say” to the world? Do you want to be viewed as a responsible adult, like I did? Do you want to be viewed as an edgy, risk-taker? Do you want to be viewed as quirky and unpredictable? Do you want to be viewed as soft and unthreatening? Do you want to be viewed as successful and dominant?

What you wear is dependent on how you want to be viewed.

When men feel “off” about what they are wearing it’s often because what they want to wear and what they want to “say” are different. They might want to wear a sport coat, for instance, but they are afraid of what that sport coat is “saying” about them. They are not welcoming the effect that the sport coat has on others; they are trying to avoid it.

In those instances, what they REALLY want to “say” to the world is “I want to fit in and not be noticed”. And since that clashes with what they’re wearing, they naturally feel uncomfortable.

The point of this article isn’t to tell people how they should dress. It’s simply to help them understand that their chosen style will feel comfortable and authentic if it aligns with what they are trying to communicate to the world, whatever that might be.