You Know All That “Tradwife” Content Is Fake, Right?

I have mentioned before that since my online presence primarily revolves around menswear and fatherhood, I tend to get exposure to other “man-adjacent” topics like fitness, sports, cars, and other things like that.

Occasionally, my algorithm feeds me some weird stuff. Stuff that lingers around the outskirts of the normal “men’s interest” content.

I have also talked before about how you shouldn’t believe the crap you see on the internet because a ton of it is fake.

That all leads me to “tradwife” content.

You guys have heard of tradwives, right?

They’re basically women who pretend to be the ultimate embodiment of the “traditional housewife”. They don’t have jobs. They’re dressed nicely. They make homemade meals for the family. They keep a tidy home. They support their husbands. They’re generally socially and politically conservative. They often homeschool their children.

And the content they post is often about how wonderful their lives are and how YOU TOO, whether you’re male or female, can live a “trad” lifestyle!

But notice how I used the word “pretend” in that earlier paragraph? That’s because most of the tradwife content you see online is fake and it’s VERY important that you understand that, because believing in the authenticity of tradwife content can be very damaging.

Let’s get into it…

First, any time someone is aggressively pushing a lifestyle, they more than likely are SELLING something. With tradwives, they are selling a fantasy. They are trying to get you to believe that you can occupy a world that doesn’t exist.

Now, that would be fine if everyone knew the world was a fantasy, like how people enjoy reading The Lord Of The Rings and imagine themselves as elves or wizards or whatever. But tradwives are trying to get you to believe that their lifestyle is actually attainable… which it isn’t… and that they actually live like that all the time… which they don’t.

Tradwife content never passes the bullsh*t test.

Have you noticed that there are never any ugly tradwives? It’s true! There isn’t a clunker in the bunch! They’re all young and pretty. That’s by design. And their content is always vaguely thirst-trappy, but in a not-so-obvious way… think “low cut top while doing a makeup tutorial” or “wiping sweat from their brow while cooking a hot meal”. Again, nothing overtly inappropriate… but juuuuusssst enough to get someone to pause their scrolling.

That “somewhat provocative” stuff grabs the guys’ attention while the dresses, makeup, and baking grabs the ladies’.

And remember, they are selling the fantasy of that life to both women AND men.

What IS the fantasy of that life?

For women, the fantasy is that you can be pretty and girly and never have to worry your cute li’l head about anything because your largely unseen, manly husband handles everything hard. You can hang around your gigantic house and drink wine and go to Pilates and wear pearl necklaces and sure it’s probably hard work doing all that cooking and cleaning but that takes a back seat to not having to work a regular job anymore.

It’s basically a princess fantasy.

For men, the fantasy is that you can have a woman at home who is 100% satisfied with your mediocrity. There is no reason to grow or develop yourself in any way so there is no discomfort or displeasure whatsoever. You’re the head of the household so whatever YOU want is the law of the land and your wife is more than pleased with that. There is absolutely no motivation to be an equal partner or parent. All you have to do is go to work (which you are already doing) and you’ll be rewarded with a good-looking, doting wife, a spotless house, and homemade meals on demand.

For men, the real crux of the tradwife fantasy is that you can support your wife and however many children you want on your single, working man’s salary.

The single-salary is VERY important to tradwife content because it taps into men’s insecurity. We men often measure ourselves by our jobs and how much money we make, so a fantasy that says “Hey, stop worrying! Your salary is more than enough to gain you love and respect!” has the potential to get a lot of traction.  

But there are rules around that salary when it comes to the tradwife fantasy. It wouldn’t really be tradwife content if that single salary was coming from a doctor or a lawyer or a high-up corporate position, because those positions require the man to be somewhat exceptional. He either has to be a hard worker, or intelligent, or lucky/rich.

In tradwife content the single salary needs to come from a regular, blue-collar job. That’s very important because it conveys to the men in the audience that it’s ok, and even desirable, to be average and unremarkable. The words “blue collar” are thrown around A LOT in tradwife content.

But notice how that “hardworking, blue-collar man” is always a very specific kind of man, isn’t he? This is done for the ladies in the audience. He’s never the dude who holds the stop sign on the construction crew, because that’s lame. And he’s never a plumber or a septic professional, because that’s icky. He’s always either an electrician or a carpenter, because those jobs are kinda sexy, aren’t they?

Remember, these tradwives are selling a fantasy. They don’t want their female audience picturing their husbands coming home from work and having to wash crap-covered shirts. That reality would puncture the fantasy. Likewise, they push the “blue collar” thing to their male audience so that the men can pretend their wages can stretch far enough to afford all the trappings of upper-middle class success.

Because tradwife content also doesn’t promote “just getting by with a simple, traditional, conservative” lifestyle, does it? Nope. No modest, well-kept 2-bedroom homes. No content on how to manage a monthly budget for a family of four on a limited income.

There’s none of that REAL stuff. It’s all “look at how beautiful and easy my life is!”

The reality, that we all know, is that having that kind of a lifestyle is practically impossible on a single income LET ALONE an income from a blue-collar job.

The tradwives who live in those giant, immaculate houses who chirp about their “blue collar provider man” are either lying about what their husband does for a living (or grossly misrepresenting it… like he’s actually a contractor who owns his own business or something) OR they are being supported financially by their own mommies and daddies.

The last thing that bugs the hell out of me about tradwife content is the fact that these “traditional” women who encourage others to quit their jobs and stay home never disclose HOW MUCH MONEY THEY ARE MAKING FROM THEIR CONTENT!

You know how I said that they are SELLING something? Well, all the attention they get online equals views, clicks, partnerships, brand deals, free products, TV/podcast interviews, sellable online guides, marriage and relationship coaching, and a whole host of other revenue streams.

I bet a lot of these women out-earn their men, which is a direct contradiction to the advice they give other women.

Look, I have no problem with anyone living the kind of life they want to live. None of the individual aspects of the tradwife fantasy (stay-at-home wife, homeschooled kids, religious devotion, etc) is bad. Even taken all together, there is nothing wrong with that kind of lifestyle. The problem is the inauthenticity.

If these creators were like “Here is my life and it makes me happy” there wouldn’t be a problem. But that’s not what they do. They say “Here is my life and if you follow me, you can have it too!”

Their false content makes women feel bad because regular women feel like they can never be pretty enough or perfect enough to please their husbands. At the same time, men feel bad because they can’t support their families on their regular salaries. Women think “I’m failing my husband because I’m not hot/fit enough or a good enough cook. I don’t have the energy to do everything myself like clean and take care of the kids.” Men think “I’m failing my wife because I don’t earn enough to give her the kind of life she wants.”

Everyone thinks “What is wrong with me that I can’t have this kind of life? Why does it work for them and not for me?”

What those people don’t realize is that after recording her videos, that tradwife content creator probably takes off her June Cleaver cosplay, puts on a hoodie, orders DoorDash, and counts her money.

Believing that tradwife content is real will damage your marriage. That content holds both men AND women to impossible standards. The men watching that content will start to wonder why their wives don’t wear high heels while they cook dinner and the women watching that content will judge their husbands for not making enough money to allow them to stay home and not work.

Again, let me be clear that I am not saying that that particular lifestyle is wrong. What I think is wrong is packaging and marketing that lifestyle in a deceptive way.

So, remember, the lives you see on social media are largely fake. Don’t fall into the trap of believing they are real and comparing your own life to them.

You’re a great dad and husband and you’re doing fine.