I have written before about some of the issues with many menswear articles I see out there. Today, I want to talk about the issues I see with “dad style” articles, specifically.

One of the main reasons I began Father Style was because no one was really talking about the nitty-gritty of menswear as it relates to fatherhood (and vice versa) and how our clothing choices can help us be better dads and husbands. Sure, every men’s interest website had a token “dad style” article or two, but there usually wasn’t much meat there. Usually just stuff like “Have you tried a sport coat?” Or unhelpful platitudes about “owning your style” and “pulling off” this-or-that. Everything was surface-level. Merely trifles.

Basically, my beef with all those articles was that they didn’t really get it. They were written by guys who either didn’t know menswear much at all, or they focused so much on the clothing that they missed the whole “fatherhood” angle. These articles, all too often, make the clothes “the point” when it should really be about what we do with those clothes and how we use them to be better men.

The reason I am bringing this up is because I stumbled across one such article the other day. It’s an article on TheCut.com written by Jason Diamond. You can read the article here or here.

Now, you guys know that my intention with highlighting an article I disagree with is NOT to denigrate its author. I do believe, though, that it’s important to have respectful, open discussions about the particular subject.

This article is a good example of the point I am trying to make… that many “dad style” articles miss the point.

Let me explain…

My biggest issue with the article in question (and many articles like it) is that it treats style and fatherhood as two separate, opposing forces. The men featured in the article are lauded essentially for managing these supposed naturally antagonistic elements. It is not implied that style and fatherhood can be intertwined or even really exist together harmoniously (without a great deal of effort). Basically, “you can be a stylish dad, but it will be against all odds.”

Early in the article, Mr. Diamond talks about what makes a stylish dad and refers to some guys he knows from his neighborhood as examples of that ideal:

“They have favorite brands, are good at sourcing vintage, and have opinions on the best anti-colic bottles for newborns; they take things to get tailored, have a knack for lowballing sellers on eBay, know several different ways to tie a tie, and can change a diaper in under a minute.”

The interest in clothing and the parenting skills are presented as completely apart from one another. This man doesn’t source vintage because he’s cost-conscious and wants to set a good example for his kids. He doesn’t get his clothes tailored because he knows that presenting your best self is a sign of respect to those around you and wants his children to absorb that lesson.

Maybe those things are true. But the article never gets into that.

The constant throughout the article is just that the men in question really like clothes and… oh, right, I guess they’re dads, too… or something. They aren’t treated as “stylish dads”, they are treated as “stylish men who sometimes have to deal with short people following them around and asking for things”.

The article spends too much time talking about the clothes and not the intersection of those clothes with the realities of fatherhood. Now, I realize that it’s a STYLE article, after all, so it’s not weird that the focus is on clothing. But it’s ostensibly a “DAD style” article, too. The existence of the children in these men’s lives is treated as either an afterthought or an obstacle to overcome.

At one point, one of the article’s subjects refers to being the only dad in the park dressed in designer clothes… an instance that he thoroughly documented for presentation on social media, of course.

In response to this, Mr. Diamond (the author) naturally notes the incongruity of wearing ludicrously expensive clothes to take your kids to the park where one is at risk of all things dirty and sticky. Don’t fret! The subject reassures Mr. Diamond that he is very lucky because his children are not super messy and his wife is a neat freak, so there’s very little risk in him encountering anything that would muss his fancy duds.

Well, isn’t that a relief?!

What this is telling the average reader is that the only way you can be a stylish dad is if your kids don’t actually get dirty and if they do, they stay far away from you.

But that’s not reality for 99% of us… you know, the ones who are actually playing with our kids instead of keeping them at arm’s length and pretending we’re on a runway in Milan.

Honestly, it’s not hard to imagine WHY this man’s kids aren’t naturally messy. Their dad’s fussy and fastidious nature is probably rubbing off on them. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has rebuffed his children’s hugs in the past lest they wrinkle or stain his precious threads that he spent hours sourcing on eBay. He’d rather pose in the park like he’s at Pitti and snap selfies than actually be present with his kids. Again, he’s making the clothing “the point”.

Am I being too harsh? Perhaps. I don’t know this guy personally. But that’s the vibe these kinds of articles give off. They scream “I am stylish IN SPITE OF having kids”. They treat the children as impediments to being truly stylish. It makes it so guys who weren’t into fashion before having kids think “Wow, well if THIS GUY is having a rough go of it, I have no chance!”

The unspoken law under which these articles operate is “It’s almost impossible to be stylish and a dad at the same time”.

As you guys know, I believe that being a father makes you MORE stylish. Because when you become a father, you’re living for something other than yourself. You are externally focused. Everything you do is in service of your children. The choices around the clothes you buy and wear have consequences. You also actually LIVE in your clothes. They might be wrinkled or dirty or scuffed or frayed. Involved dads naturally, without even trying, get that look of “sprezzatura” that the guys in Mr. Diamond’s article would probably pay thousands for.

About halfway through the article, there is a brief mention of the effect that clothing has on children. But it’s mentioned rather superficially and then quickly abandoned…

“So the values I have — creativity, noticing things, being a nice person, caring about culture, caring about appearances and stuff — are things I do want to impart on them. I think they do see me doing a lot of these things, but I’m not concerned about imparting the idea of being really into clothes. I want them to notice culture and value creativity. Are those values the right values given the world we live in now? I don’t know, but these are my values, and I do want them to have those things.”

He is SO CLOSE! Yes, “caring about appearances and stuff” is important! He says he’s “not concerned about imparting the idea of being really into clothes” to his kids. I get that… but THE CLOTHES AREN’T THE POINT. They never were.

I always say that clothes are simply the tools that help us on the adventures of life. They aren’t the adventures themselves. That’s what the guys in these kinds of articles miss.

Wearing “Comme des Garçons Homme Plus” (which I had to Google, by the way) to the park with your kids means nothing if you can’t toss a ball around with them or demonstrate how to do the monkey bars.

I have toy racecars in the pockets of my tweed sport coat.

The threads on my Aran sweater are loose from my son pulling on them when he was a baby.

The right knees on all my pants are more worn than the left knees because I always kneel down to hug my kids before they leave for school.

I wear jackets and ties when I take my wife out to dinner… and make sure my sons see me do it so they know it’s important to dress up for your wife.

I am a more stylish person BECAUSE of my children, not in spite of them.  

Also, what do these guys do? What are their hobbies? What jobs do they have? All of those things affect someone’s personal style. Personal style doesn’t just happen in a vacuum. Personal style, and feeling comfortable in that style, flows from personal interests and pursuits.

The fact that these men are fathers should be a major contributing factor to how they dress. But it doesn’t seem like it is. It seems like they dressed that way before their kids came along and it’s a part of their lives they are trying desperately to cling to now that they’re fathers.

One thing I liked about the article, though, was the mention of how the term “metrosexual” negatively affected men’s perception of caring about how they looked. I wrote an article about that a while back and I appreciate that Mr. Diamond mentioned it, because I fully agree with him on the subject.

Toward the end of the article is where I feel that Mr. Diamond really starts to home in on why dressing well is important for dads (emphasis mine)…

“I put thought into what I wear instead of just tossing on whatever, but I’d initially believed that shorts and a T-shirt were fine for going to the park or taking Lulu to gymnastics since she’s a little kid and children tend to be messy, but then something changed. If I’m being totally honest, part of it was for my daughter: We have these days once or twice a month we call “Lulu and Daddy Muckabouts,” where I take off, take her to breakfast, then to the zoo or a museum, and then for lunch at a place I like. I make sure I dress nice for those since I want her to know it’s something I take seriously, but then I started thinking I also needed to do that if my wife and I took her on a weekend trip to the Botanical Garden or MoMA, like we often do. I want to raise her to appreciate putting thought into things like getting dressed, and I’d like to make sure that she knows I take our special occasions seriously.”

YES! That’s it in a nutshell! He’s making a conscious choice to use his clothing as a way to be a better dad and husband. The importance of the marriage of style and fatherhood is what the rest of the subjects in his article failed to grasp.

The other subjects in his article talked about their expensive clothes and what designer they were wearing. Mr. Diamond, on the other hand, talked about his daughter.

He spoke about sharing beautiful experiences with her and how he hopes that he can communicate to her how special she is to him and how much he treasures their time together.

It’s really rather lovely. It’s exactly the kind of message we need to see more of in “dad style” articles.

And I bet he is actually far more stylish than any of the subjects he interviewed.