My dad once said, “You’ll never see a man admit he isn’t funny.”

His point was that “being funny” is something that almost all men think they’re just spectacular at! Just like how everyone thinks babies and animals love them.

He was absolutely right. If you ask any guy, he’ll tell you that, of course he’s hilarious!

Just ask his wife!

Now, teasing tactfully and respectfully is difficult. It’s a skill. And I have literally never met anyone in my life who was actually good at it. Sure, I have known plenty of people (men and women) who thought they were good at it, but they arrived at that conclusion simply because the targets of their behavior merely tolerated it and they confused that tolerance for approval and validation.

The vast majority of people do not possess the requisite emotional intelligence to tease well. Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop most men from clumsily and indelicately ribbing their loved ones, not realizing which topics, actions, or feelings should be left untouched, or at least, handled with sensitivity.

If you’re one of those dudes who likes to tease his wife, I can almost guarantee you that she doesn’t view it the same way you do. Her feelings likely range from mild irritation to profound hurt. If that’s the case, she probably doesn’t bring it up because either she’s learned that you’re going to keep doing it anyway, regardless of how she feels, or you have gaslit her for so many years into thinking she’s “too sensitive” that she thinks there is something wrong with HER for feeling insulted.

If phrases such as “I’m just joking”, “Relax”, or “You know I’m just kidding” commonly escape your lips in your household then I’m willing to bet your killer jokes aren’t landing the way you think they are.

When it comes to a marriage, emotional safety is incredibly important. If one person knows that they are going to be made fun of by the person who is supposed to like them best, then that safety is gone. You shouldn’t feel self-conscious in front of your spouse, nervous that they’ll take something you do or say and sting you with it later in order to make themselves sound funny.

Also, no one else around you thinks it’s funny either. Remember all the uproarious laughter you elicited the last time you teased your wife in front of other people? Think again about that time and be honest… that laughter was probably of the awkward, uncomfortable kind, wasn’t it? Everyone was likely thinking “Ugh, another clunky joke about her cooking/driving/fill-in-the-blank… how does she live with this guy?”

My wife and I don’t tease each other. That doesn’t mean we have a boring, joyless marriage! Quite the contrary! We are constantly laughing and making jokes. It’s just that that laughter isn’t at the EXPENSE of the other person. My wife and I certainly sometimes engage in playful banter, but when we make comments to the other person, the intent is to make THE OTHER PERSON laugh.

If you are teasing your wife with the intent to make yourself or the people around you laugh, you are doing it wrong.

And I think that’s the biggest trap men fall into when they tease their wives. The husband will make a joke at his wife’s expense mistakenly thinking that they’re both in on it together. Unfortunately teasing is usually one-way traffic.

Don’t try to be the “witty” guy, thinking that teasing someone will disarm them and make them like you more. You’ll probably just step in something you could have avoided if you just were nice, normal and didn’t try to be the life of the party.

Am I too sensitive? Maybe. But I realized a long time that most people suck so bad at teasing and it was never pleasant or fun to be around someone who liked to do it.

Having stunted emotional intelligence is not cute when you’re a grown man.

So, yeah, you might scoff at this article and dismiss me as being too touchy.

“Relax! It’s just harmless fun!”

That may be. But how’s that working out for your marriage? Just fine, you say? I see…

Let’s ask your wife and see if she agrees.