Even though you guys know I try to limit my phone screen time, I do find it difficult to pull myself away sometimes from the never-ending “interesting” of the internet and social media.

I’m like most other people in that I have an “online” self which is different from my “real” self. But I always try to make sure that those two selves are as similar as possible.

When it comes to social media, the pictures I post feature outfits I actually wore (just like on this site). The comments I make on other posts are always positive. If I see something I don’t like, I simply scroll past it.

I also don’t engage with people who I can see are not worth the energy.

Bottom line, if my online self stepped out of my phone and shook hands with my real self, it would be like they were each looking into a mirror, for the most part.

Is it the same with you?

The reason I ask is because I have had a couple instances in which I have posted a perfectly benign comment on social media and had it elicit a perfectly deranged response from some unhinged stranger.

Now, this isn’t an unusual occurrence. I would argue that it has happened to most of you.

But what I find so unsettling about it is that after I chuckle at the dude losing his mind over an inoffensive, off-hand comment I made, I take a look at his profile picture.

Frequently, it’s a smiling guy posing with his wife and lovely children.

You’d never know from the picture that this guy spends his free time hurling insults at strangers on the internet. From all appearances, you’d think he was a perfectly normal, happy, family man.

It’s terrifying to think that this guy’s appearance belies his inner nature.

What’s causing that duality? It’s well-documented that people feel more comfortable saying all sorts of horrible things online because they are protected by relative anonymity and physical distance from the recipients of their vitriol.

More simply put, it’s a lot harder to say something to someone’s face.

But I want to dig a little deeper.

Even though people are more comfortable saying awful things online, why are they comfortable knowing that they act differently online than in person? What makes someone ok with that aforementioned duality?

It’s not enough to point out there is a difference between someone’s online self and their real self, we need to get at why people are fine with it.

My dad was an avid golfer. He always said that one of the things he loved the most about golf was the honesty. Calling a penalty on one’s self (when warranted) when no one was looking wasn’t even a question in his mind. To him, cheating at golf was one of the most egregious sins in life because it meant you were, underneath it all, a dishonest person. A cheat. A scoundrel.

Honesty and integrity matter most when no one is looking. Everyone can be the happy, smiling, family man when other people are around. But in the corners of the internet where your face is hidden by a picture or avatar and no one can see where you’re from or where you work or where your kids go to school? If you can still be the same guy there and live by the same values as you do in the real world, then THAT is a much truer testament to the kind of guy you really are.

The other day, my wife was on her way to the gym when a car started freaking out and riding her tail because he didn’t feel she was driving fast enough. He then leaned on his horn and then sped around her. Two minutes later, he parks and goes into the same gym as my wife. She recognized him as a guy who acts all positive and jovial when in the gym.

But this person is the same sort who would post a raging diatribe online and still consider himself a pretty decent guy.

Posting rabid comments online.

Road rage.

Freaking out when a sports team loses.

It’s all the same.

How can these people be ok with themselves?

What would the people who post offensive things online think if those posts were read aloud to their children? I like to think they’d be embarrassed, but, honestly, I don’t think they would be.

Those kids are probably used to hearing some of that at home. Because no matter how much someone tries to hide their inner self, the people closest to them probably already know the truth.

The guy with the happy, smiling avatar who tries to bully people online is also probably bullying his wife and children. And if he isn’t doing that yet, he probably will at some point.

Does any of this sound like you? I sure hope not. I hope that you guys are the same person online as you are in real life.

I think it comes down to consequences. The people who are ok with having a completely different personality (a sh*tty one) online are fine with it because there are no immediate ramifications for their behavior. They’re basically people who will try to get away with things if they can. They’re the type of people who will cut corners and lie. It’s slippery and sleazy.

It’s not normal to engage in road rage. It’s not normal to scream at the TV while watching football. It’s not normal to post comments that would get you fired if your boss read them.

Normal people don’t do those things. The consequences would be betraying one’s sense of right and wrong, which well-adjusted, honest people are not ok with.

If any of this sounds like you, I think you need to take a hard look at yourself. Better yet, take a good look at your children. They deserve to know their real dad.

Make sure he is someone worth their time.