At this point you guys have heard me say probably a thousand times that my wife and I love having dates (either at-home or out at restaurants). We love good food and good drinks.

Thankfully, I am at an age where I can regularly afford and appreciate some of the finer things in life, like a steak and a martini. Believe me, this was not always the case.

I have seen a lot of articles that talk about how to be a well-rounded, mature man claim it’s important to be particular about certain things, specifically how you like your steak cooked, how you like your martini prepared, how you like your coffee brewed, and what bottle of wine you prefer.

Those articles state that it’s a mark of manhood to have enough experience with those things to know exactly how you like them. They say that people (mostly women) will be impressed with your particularity because it conveys that you know enough about those things to know precisely what you like and to not settle for anything different. That assuredness, these articles claim, is very attractive.

I’m here to tell you that those articles are completely wrong.

It’s actually totally the opposite… it’s a mark of inexperience and immaturity if one is too particular about those things.

Let me explain…

Let’s take the martini example. When I make a martini at home, I make it the exact same way every time. I know the brand of gin I like best and the precise amount to use. I know how much vermouth is needed. I know which garnish I prefer. I always use the same glass.

And (surprise, surprise), it always tastes exactly the same.

But I also frequently order martinis when I am out at restaurants. When I order them, I simply specify which gin, which garnish, and that I want it served up. That’s all. The bartender doesn’t need any more direction than that.

As long as whatever they serve me is in the general flavor neighborhood of the martini I know I like, I’m all good! I realize that it might be a little different. Maybe the bartender used a touch more or less vermouth than I usually do. Perhaps the lemon wedge he dropped in there was a little juicier than what I use at home. Perhaps the glass wasn’t chilled as long. Perhaps he shook it instead of stirred it.

The point is that if you have real-world experience, you understand that things will look different and taste different depending on where you are and who prepares them for you.

I have a ton of experience ordering martinis in different places. Therefore I know that there will be slight variations in preparation and taste from place to place. If I sent back every martini that didn’t taste EXACTLY like the ones I make at home, I’d die of thirst.

That’s what I mean about the fact that being too particular is a sign of inexperience and immaturity. I know what martinis with different ratios of gin and vermouth taste like because I have a lot of experience drinking them. And you know what? I’m fine regardless. I’m not picky. And that “non-pickiness” is bred from experience.

Let’s use steak as another example.

Guys LOVE to say that they’re particular about how their steaks are cooked! And I get it to some degree. A good steak can be $50 so you want to make sure it’s cooked to your liking.

When I’m at a restaurant and I order a steak, I’ll get it medium rare. I have complete trust that a chef in a nice restaurant knows how to cook a steak.

Are there times when the steak is a little closer to medium? Or closer to rare? Absolutely. But it’s not a problem for me because I have a lot of experience eating steak in restaurants to know that sometimes it’s not going to be 100% perfect. And that’s ok. Perhaps the steak sat under the warmer for 30 extra seconds because the server stopped to tie her shoe. It’s all ok.

Having an attitude of “I only like a thing one particular way” isn’t a sign of worldliness. It’s a sign of rigidity. It shows that you have only had that thing in that one particular way. It shows you don’t have experience with how different versions of that thing taste.

I can only remember one time I sent a martini back because it wasn’t right. It was this past summer and my wife and I were out to lunch with a friend of ours for her birthday. As the waitress sat the martini in front of me, she and I shared a look. We both knew there was something egregiously wrong with my cocktail… it was the color of apple juice. We both actually laughed and I didn’t even have to say anything before she said “I know that isn’t right. I’m not sure what he (the bartender) did. I’ll go get you another one.” I suspect the bartender reversed the ratio of gin and vermouth or something weird like that.

Similarly, I can only remember sending a steak back one time. Again, it was a very clear error on the part of the individual who prepared it. Instead of medium rare, the steak was closer to VERY well done. Like… grey, firm, and dry throughout.

In both instances, I sent back the items because they were very clearly incorrect. It would have been if they gave me a beet salad instead of New England clam chowder. It was “this is not what I ordered” instead of “this isn’t perfectly, exactly, totally, precisely the way I want it so try again and make sure you guess right this time!”

Do you see the difference?

I have seen people in coffee shops take a sip of their coffee, pour in a little milk, take another sip, pour in a little more milk, take another sip, drop in some sugar, take another sip…

I don’t look at those people and think, “Wow, they must really know their coffee to be so particular about how it tastes!”

I think, “That person drinks coffee the way I did when I was 15.”

If I go to an Italian restaurant and there are carafes of table wine, I don’t go “Hmm… at what price point would a bottle of this be? What region is it from? What year is it?”

I just enjoy the wine. And I enjoy it because I have had enough experience drinking wine to appreciate all different kinds.

Again, that experience begets flexibility. So, if someone is super particular about something, I know that they don’t really have much experience. If someone gets a martini that is shaken instead of stirred and they don’t like it simply because of that, I know that they probably don’t have much experience drinking martinis.

I think to myself, “They must be like 22 years old and watched one episode of Mad Men.”

Bottom line, it’s not impressive to be too particular, the way a lot of those articles I mentioned earlier would have you believe.

Being too particular about your cocktails or steaks or whatever won’t have people marveling at your worldliness and knowledge. It will just make you seem fussy and difficult and inexperienced.

It will make you seem like you are new to this whole “grown up” thing.

And none of that is attractive on a man.