Why You Shouldn’t Worry About Your Kids’ Screen Time

My article last week about AI got me thinking about technology in general and how much things have changed since we were kids.

I am what the media calls an “older millennial”. I was born in 1984 which means I remember the 80s vividly. I’m also the baby of my family (I have two older siblings). The things they liked (movies, clothes, TV shows, etc) came out in the 70s. So, given when I was born and the influence of my older sisters, my memory of childhood is rock-solid 80s, as opposed to someone who was born only a few years after me (and maybe didn’t have older siblings) who more so identifies as a “90s kid”.

Because of this, I feel like technology didn’t really enter my life in any real meaningful way until I was almost an adult.

My family didn’t own many movies, and the ones we did were versions taped off TV by a friend of the family.

We didn’t get internet access until I was maybe thirteen or fourteen. And even then, all school projects were done using the humongous encyclopedia in our basement.

I only had one class in college where I submitted something online. Submitting work through emails or online school portals just wasn’t much of a thing yet at that point. I can even remember racing to a professor’s office so I could slide a physical stack of paper under his door before the deadline.

So yeah, I’m probably a little out-of-touch when it comes to technology. Always have been. But even I had lots of screen time as a kid. Sure, I played outside and roamed around unsupervised and spent time with my friends, but I, like most other kids, watched tons of TV, especially during summer break.

There are lots of people my age who say “back in our day we didn’t watch ANY television! We were all playing outside until the street lights came on! Kids today, blah, blah, blah.”

Those people are misremembering their youth to make themselves sound cool.

We played outside plenty, yes, but we all watched TV, too.

And want to know something? We turned out fine.

And while I say that we all turned out fine, I will also say that screen time CAN be very damaging for children today.

So, what’s the difference? Why was it ok for US to watch TV when we were kids, but it’s riskier for kids now? And, in light of that, why am I advising you to NOT worry about screen time?

Let me explain…

As kids, when our shows ended, what did we do? We turned off the TV and went and did other things. Why? Because our shows ended! That was it. There was nothing else to watch. There was nothing else that interested us.

Sure, as a six-year-old I tried sitting through an episode of Cheers or Three’s Company once in a while, simply because I wanted to watch something. But that never lasted. I would get bored after 2 minutes and go play outside.

The thing I was interested in was over. And I had no choice in the matter. I couldn’t CHOOSE to continually find something else interesting to keep me locked to the screen.

And THAT’S the difference between us and kids now.

It’s not the screen. It’s the INTERNET that’s the problem. Specifically, it’s the never-ending choice. It’s the fact that the “interesting” stuff will never stop. You will always be able to find something that interests you on the internet.

So, that’s why you shouldn’t necessarily worry about the amount of screen time your kids get.

If I want to have a nice at-home lunch date with my wife, I will plop the kids down in front of the TV with their sandwiches and put on a movie for them.

I often don’t even let them choose the movie. I just pick it myself.

When the movie is done, we turn off the TV and they go play. Because at that point, they don’t really want to watch TV anymore anyway. They’re bored of it. The thing they were interested in ended.

But if I were to give them the remote and have them find something themselves, they would sit all day in front of the TV because they would ALWAYS be able to find something else to watch. The platform will endlessly feed them interesting things to keep them from stepping away. It’s really rather insidious.

The endlessness of the internet and the unfathomable amount of choice is what’s problematic for children, not the screen itself.

Most adults can’t even handle the amount of choice the internet provides! How many times have you wanted to find something to watch and spent most of your time just trying to choose. Or how many times have you fallen down a YouTube or Wikipedia rabbit-hole? What’s your average phone screen time? I bet it’s at least a few hours a day.

The internet never stops being interesting.

When we were kids, we had a small tube television, a handful of bootleg videos, and six channels. Today, kids have access to all the knowledge of human history. No one’s brain is capable of handling that!

Being able to pull yourself away from the endless “interesting” of the internet is a skill not many people have. We can’t expect kids to be able to do it.

The amount of screen time kids get has, unfortunately, become a status symbol. The parents who brag that they don’t allow their kids much screen time are either rich enough to afford things like nannies, babysitters, and activities to keep the kids away from screens, or they’re lying.

And most people aren’t rich.

But you know what? My wife and I both work full-time. We’ve got two kids. Our lives are busy. Yes, our kids watch TV. Yes, our kids watch movies on their tablets when we go on long car rides.

But want to know something else? My kids are healthy.

My boys enjoy running, boxing, singing, playing chess, coloring, wrestling, and snowball fights. This morning, my oldest spent about 30 minutes reading a book to his younger brother. We read to our kids every night. We eat dinner as a family and talk about our days.

My kids are pretty well-adjusted despite the fact that they are exposed to screen time.

So, for you dads out there, it’s ok to relax about the amount of time your kids spend watching TV. Remember, it’s the exposure to the internet that’s the problem, not the screen.

It’s about the quality of screen time they’re getting, rather than the quantity.

I refuse to accept that my sons watching an hour of PBS Kids is inherently detrimental to their development. I’d rather them watch three hours of Wild Kratts than three minutes of YouTube.

But how, as a busy parent, are you to manage your kids’ screen time to make sure it’s healthy and non-problematic?

Well, my wife and I have implemented a few rules.

One, we don’t let the kids touch the remote. If they have access to the remote, they fight over it and they get nervous and anxious with the overstimulation of too much choice.

I take the remote and put something on. End of story. If they have a preference, they can say “Oh, I want to watch the Minecraft Movie” and that’s fine. But if they don’t have anything specific in mind, I just immediately pick something for them. And crucially, I don’t spend more than 2 minutes choosing.

Two, their tablets are only for long car rides. No, they don’t have their tablets in the car with them if we are driving to school or the grocery store. No, they don’t use their tablets in the house. The tablets are strictly “long car ride” devices so that my wife and I can keep our sanity and not be grouches once we reach our destination.

These rules have helped keep screen time from being either unhealthily engrossing or a forbidden fruit.

The fact that I control the remote and pick for them (unless they have a particular suggestion) mean that they aren’t exposed to the endless choice of the internet.

The fact that we aren’t totalitarian about it, though, means that my kids don’t crave it. It doesn’t have the siren song it would if my wife and I didn’t let my kids ever have it.

So, in conclusion, you are a hardworking dad who is doing your best. Screen time shouldn’t be another stressor on your plate. We all had a ton of screen time growing up and we’re all ok.

Listen, are your kids healthy? Do they get regular exercise and see the sun every once in a while? Are they eating mainly healthy foods and getting to bed on time? If so, then don’t worry so much about screen time.

Remember, the internet is the problem, not the screen itself.