Why It’s Important For Men Like Us To Roughhouse With Our Kids

“Men like us.”

What do I mean by that? Good question. Because the answer to that question forms the crux of this entire article.

At this point, we are all well-aware of the importance of physical play with our kids. Whether you have boys or girls, it’s important to roughhouse with them.

Why?

Well, roughhousing improves children’s self-esteem, fitness, and sense of trust. When a parent roughhouses with them, it demonstrates the back-and-forth needed for any healthy relationship. The give-and-take that ensures everyone is having fun (that they learn through roughhousing) is a crucial ingredient that they need in order to navigate interpersonal relationships throughout their lives.

So, roughhousing is an important thing for all parents to do with their kids. But why is it especially important for men like us to roughhouse with our kids?

When I say “men like us” I mean men who are into clothing. Men who take pride in their appearance. Men who prioritize what they wear. Men who recognize the importance of personal style. Men who are trying to communicate something important to their kids through their clothing choices.

Readers of this site, in other words.

The reason why it’s especially important for men like us to roughhouse with our kids is because we need to show our children, what I like to call, “well-rounded masculinity”.

Show your kids that while Dad appreciates a sharp trouser crease, he can still throw down in the backyard.

Well-rounded masculinity needs the rough as well as the refined.

The other day I was sitting by the fireplace drinking a beer after a long morning of hauling and stacking wood. My oldest son said, “Daddy, can we go outside and wrestle?”

I couldn’t say no to that! So, I threw on my boots and my barn coat and tossed my sons around in the snow until it got too dark to see.

Part of being a well-rounded man and well-rounded person in general is balancing the delicate with the strong. Men like us love our worsted suits, silk ties, and polished shoes, but we also need the battered boots, stained jeans, and worn elbows.

When you roughhouse with your children, you show them all sides of masculinity.

You show them how to shake off momentary discomfort. There are plenty of times when I bump my knee or get dirt in my eye or get my glasses knocked off. I make sure to acknowledge those moments and then move on. My kids know that if they accidentally bop me with an elbow or something, I won’t be upset. It helps them relax and have a good time. It’s important for them to see what resilience looks like during games and how it helps everyone enjoy themselves.

You also show them warmth and compassion. Roughhousing needs to be accompanied by lots of smiles and hugs. When I tackle my boys, I am super careful to place them down as gingerly as possible. Again, this helps them with trust. They know that Daddy is always in control and will never get too crazy. They can feel confident knowing that the game will never get out-of-hand with Dad in charge.

And we can always stop whenever they want. When you’re roughhousing with your kids ALWAYS respect the time-out. If someone says time-out for any reason, you immediately halt what you’re doing and you don’t restart until that person says time-in. This makes it so that the kids always feel in control of what’s happening to them.

It’s kind of like tapping out in jiu-jitsu. No matter what, you always have the power to stop the game for any reason. That feeling of control allows you to push yourself out of your comfort zone a little bit. Kids need that. They need to feel like they are in a safe space to explore. Roughhousing with a caring and conscientious father provides that for them.

If you’re into clothing like I am, roughhousing is especially important. For men like us, we are used to showing our kids that one (very important) side of masculinity, which is taking care in how you present yourself to the world. But roughhousing provides an almost completely opposite side. It shows your goofy, physical, care-free side. It shows the side of you that doesn’t care about grass stains or wet knees.

I once wrote an article about things women love seeing men wear. That list included a white t-shirt-and-jeans and a suit… two things which are on complete opposite ends of the formality spectrum.

But men need to be able to pull off BOTH in order to look good in either one.

That’s why men like us need to roughhouse with our kids. We’re already showing them the Cary Grant, now let’s show them the Clark Gable.

As children get older, they will undoubtedly be influenced by popular culture. Unfortunately, “popular” culture kind of sucks when it comes to classic menswear because a lot of people now view caring about how you look as a feminine trait. I wrote some time ago about how our entire generation got left behind when it came to dressing well since we were conditioned to believe it was somehow “unmanly” (which was not nearly as prominent with older generations who viewed dressing well as a mark of maturity).

Because kids will be influenced by popular culture, it’s doubly important that men like us work hard to show them that well-rounded masculinity.  

I always say that part of being stylish is not being fussy or fastidious with how you look. Also, your clothing shouldn’t be the “point”. Your clothing should accompany you on the adventures of life, they aren’t the adventures themselves. You may already be communicating these things to your kids with how you go about your day-to-day, but your kids might need to see more overt examples of Daddy not getting too worked up about his appearance, even though he cares about how he looks.

Calm. Capable. Not sweating the small stuff. Brushing off minor adversity and moving forward with optimism.

Roughhousing helps with that.

Your kids need to see you rolling around on the floor just like they need to see you in a jacket-and-tie before taking Mommy out to dinner. They need to see all those different sides of you.

You don’t want your kids to view you as fragile and timid. They need to know they can bump you around a little.

Roughhousing is important for all dads, but it’s especially important for men like us.

So, loosen your four-in-hand, roll up your French cuffs, kick off your wholecuts and blast double-leg your kids once in a while.