A lot of guys struggle with finding their style. They say things like “Nothing feels like me” and “I don’t want to look like I am trying too hard”.

They see stuff like they like online, but are too timid to give it a try out in public.

They know that altering their current wardrobe would improve their personal and professional relationships, but they are hesitant to take the plunge.

So, they kind of just float around in self-imposed sartorial mediocrity and eventually put the whole idea of dressing their best out of their minds.

Now, there are a host of reasons why this scenario happens. I have written about them before. But there’s one reason I haven’t yet tackled…

In order to be truly stylish, you need a supportive spouse.

Those of you who have been around this site for a while know that I first got my feet wet in the world of menswear when I was planning my outfit for my wedding. I knew I wanted to wear a tuxedo, but I didn’t really know what “wearing a tuxedo” really meant. I also wanted to be taken more seriously in my life, in general, so those two things kind of converged at the same time and propelled me toward the whole “dressing better” thing.

I spent the year before the wedding getting lost in black tie-related, internet rabbit holes. Learning about black tie taught me about formality, fit, and proportion. It gave me the foundation on which I based my understanding of menswear. It’s a foundation I have been building on ever since.

But something very important happened early on in the wedding planning… something I feel isn’t terribly common for couples.

I decided entirely on my own what I wanted to wear. Naturally, it was a conversation between me and my now-wife. That goes without saying. But we didn’t have the all-too-common arrangement where the bride-to-be directs what everyone, including the groom, wears based on some “vision” she has always had of her special day.

My wife and I essentially had the same attitude toward my outfit. Basically, she got to pick out what she felt good in, and there was no reason why I couldn’t do the exact same thing. I wasn’t going to chime in with my two cents on what her dress looked like, and she wasn’t going to do that with my tux.

Of course, me wanting to wear a tuxedo dovetailed beautifully with what she had in mind, but that’s because we are compatible people with similar tastes. It wasn’t because I happened to guess correctly so she had no need to intervene.

My point with all this is that my wife was supportive of me in that scenario.

In the moment that turned out to be a pretty pivotal crossroads in my personal journey, my wife was supportive.

She didn’t veto my ideas. She didn’t say “Umm… I think you’d look better in this.” She didn’t try to steer me in another direction.

She was patient while I tried to track down a perfectly “correct” rig. She gushes over how I look whenever I wear my dinner suit.

She created the perfect environment for me to step into and navigate unfamiliar territory with confidence.

And THAT is what I think a lot of guys are missing.

Would I wear boater hats, motorcycle jackets, bow ties, seersucker suits, homburgs and all sorts of other fun and somewhat eccentric pieces if I didn’t have a wife who smiled and said I looked great all the time? Probably not!

Would I have even gotten to the point where I felt comfortable going out to dinner in a jacket and tie if I knew my wife would lightly rib me for being “too dressed up”. Again, likely no.

The support of a spouse is needed to accomplish anything great in life, and dressing your best to attain your highest potential is no different.

There are wives who tease their husbands about what they wear. Do you think those guys feel confident stepping outside their comfort zones a little? Do you think those guys are going to try wearing a patterned jacket? Or a proper brimmed hat? Or cufflinks? Or getting their trousers tailored to accommodate suspenders? Do you think those guys are going to tuck in their shirts? Or cuff their pants? Or spend some money at the dry cleaners? Or seek out a competent tailor?

No.

They aren’t going to do those things if they know they are going to get an earful from their spouses.

Now, I am not saying that “it’s all the wives’ fault!” I am not putting blame and additional responsibility on women for men’s shortcomings.

I’m saying that I am incredibly lucky to have a wife who backs me up in all things related to my menswear journey. It makes a part of my life that I already enjoy that much more enjoyable.

If I didn’t have a supportive spouse, I wouldn’t be as far along in my understanding and competence in menswear as I am now. I might still be struggling in the early stages because I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing all the experimenting and trial-and-error that I did over the years.

Taking control of how you dress is a good thing. If that’s the journey you’re currently on, you are doing right by yourself and your family. You deserve a spouse who builds you up and tells you you look great. There is no room for teasing or put-downs when it comes to a partner’s appearance, which, unfortunately, seems to be pretty common among couples.

I am infinitely appreciative of the fact that my wife is so supportive of me, in all areas. It’s the main driving force behind any of the success I have in life.