Ok, let me define a couple things before we forge ahead here.

When I say “you” I mean guys generally around my age. I’m in my early 40s. So, anywhere from like mid-30s on up is who I am addressing.

When I say “young women” I mean women who are college age and just-out-of-college age. So, around 18 to early-20s.

Let’s get started…

Take a look at the title of this article. Notice how I used the word “attractive”. I didn’t use “attracted”. Because that’s not what this article is about.

What I am trying to convey is that young women should not find YOU attractive. If they do, you’re doing something wrong.

Let me explain…

As I scroll social media, I always see accounts of Very Fashionable Men my age dressing kind of… young. A little goofy. A little ironic. Definitely trying to peacock without making it obvious. And it seems like the older the man is, the more adulation he receives on whatever silly outfit he’s showing off.

I always think those guys would look so much better if they just dressed like regular adults and stopped trying to get approval from people one-half or one-third their age. But if they did that, they wouldn’t get likes on Instagram from young people who don’t realize that outfits like those only appeal to… young people.

We have all had those “flash of lightning” moments when we realize that we are not viewed by actual young people as “young” anymore, haven’t we?

I remember about 7 years ago, my wife and I visited our old college for an alumni event. Our oldest son was a little under 2 years old. I remember I was holding him while standing in line at the big food hall in the center of campus when this college girl told me how cute my son was. I obviously smiled and thanked her for the nice compliment. She then asked me if I had another child who was enrolled at the college, which would explain why I was visiting.

I laughed and told her no. We carried on with pleasantries for the next minute or two before parting ways.

What I found so interesting about the interaction was that this girl and I were far enough apart in age where she legitimately thought I could reasonably have an 18-22 year old child. I was only about 35 at the time. I mean, I guess it’s certainly not impossible but a little unlikely.

The point is that I don’t think she was doing those calculations. I think she just saw me and mentally classified me as “Dad Aged” and that was it. I could have been 55 in her mind.

I had officially entered the stage of life where young people universally considered me “not young”.

And it works in reverse. If I see a young person, they could be 19… or 23… or 14! I have no idea.

Ok, so let’s bring it back to the title of the article.

Now, it’s normal when getting dressed to want to be attractive to people. There’s nothing wrong with that. Feeling attractive and perceiving that other people find you attractive drives a lot of what we choose to put on our bodies.

But if you find that you are attractive to young women… you’re doing something wrong.

I can hear a bunch of single 30-something dudes howling at me for that last statement.

But it’s true.

You might think that being attractive to young women is desirable! I mean, if you’re fit, well-dressed, and personable, you’ll probably be attractive to anyone, including young women, right?

Almost.

If young women view you as attractive, that’s fine to some extent, but they should see you as an “attractive older man”. That qualifier is needed!

But, why is it a problem to be considered attractive by young women?

Well, it means you’re presenting yourself the wrong way.

How does a mature man dress? Collared shirts. Leather footwear. Decent watch.

Understated. Timeless. Dare I say… boring?

That man looks responsible.

Now think about how a lot of young men dress. Broccoli hair. Ratty hoodies. Tall crew socks. Vocal frying. Noses buried in their phones.

Those men aren’t providing for anyone. Their lives haven’t gotten real yet.

But those are the men that young women are attracted to. As it should be.

Do you think college-aged women are attracted to tweed sport coats and pleated chinos? How many college boys tuck in their shirts?

If a young woman looks at you and DOESN’T think you look like her friend’s dad then you’re doing something wrong. You shouldn’t be able to blend in with a bunch of college kids. And if you can, you either dress like one or act like one. Neither is good.

And the presentation goes further than just what you’re wearing. You should be ACTING like a mature man, too.

You shouldn’t be at that bar that serves everything in plastic cups. You shouldn’t be staying out late because you have things to do the next day! You have to go to work! You have to hit the gym. You might have people who rely on you! You have REAL responsibilities the concept of which would be almost completely foreign to some girl who is still on her parents’ health insurance.

Lastly, I have no idea where men even encounter and interact with women that age (unless you’re like a college professor or something).

I don’t think I have seen a college-aged woman in years. I just don’t frequent places where people of that age would go.

Outside of my family, I interact with work colleagues, kids’ teachers, parents of other kids and that’s kind of it. Yes, I know that since I am married and have kids I naturally socialize less than if I were single and childless. But even then, the places I would go would be appropriate for A MAN MY AGE populated by other people my own age.

And that’s how I would like it.

You should view the emotional and chronological gap between you and young women as a veritable chasm. That chasm should make the concept of them finding you attractive hilarious and kind of off-putting to you.

It’s kind of like how I don’t care if my kids’ friends think I’m cool. If they did, that would be an indication that I was doing something very wrong, since kids that age should view me as a dad. An unfun dad.

Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not saying that you can’t strive to be attractive at this age. That’s what we all do with exercising, eating right, and dressing well. But again, if a young woman sees you and thinks you’re attractive, it should be in a “oh, he’s handsome for an older man’ kind of a way.

At this age, we shouldn’t be viewed as potential mates by young women, so it shouldn’t be something you strive for. Parental figures or mentors? Sure. But nothing more than that.

Remember how I said earlier that I think that some men will get upset hearing all of this? It’s true. And I know why.

It’s because it means we need to understand and come to grips with where we are in life now. We’re the dads. We’re middle-aged. We’re the responsible ones. The uncool ones. The ones who have far too much going on to worry about what’s trending.

We were born closer to WWII than to present day. We remember rotary telephones and watching Fat Albert on Saturday mornings.

Our temples are grey. Our heartburn acts up.

We wear the same kinds of clothes our grandpas wore. And we do it unironically.

Being attractive to young women is not something you should shoot for. Those days are gone, my man!

Remember, though, that it’s incredibly important to still present yourself with respect! This isn’t an article telling you it’s ok to let yourself go. Quite the contrary! Father Style’s whole mission is to help you be a better dad and husband by presenting yourself in the best way possible.

This is a wake-up call for the guys who need to understand that they need to stop chasing something that has long passed them by.

But the great part is that, as men, we have a lot of societal latitude when it comes to embracing our age. If we dress well and keep up with our fitness, we’ll be “distinguished” and “mature” instead of just old.

Remember, it’s ok to get old. As my mom always says, it’s better than the alternative.