The Problem With Being Too Frugal

A couple years ago, I talked about how I’ve largely stopped buying things for myself, which I realize is kind of an odd thing for someone who spends so much time writing about and enjoying clothes.

So many menswear websites out there get traffic by constantly promoting or reviewing new products. Even if the items are thrifted or bought on discount, the focus is often “I just got this new thing and isn’t it great?!”

This is one way in which I feel Father Style differs. I don’t center my content around getting new stuff. I focus more on making meaningful connections with the stuff we already have and using that stuff to set good examples for our children (and be better dads and husbands in the process). None of that requires NEW clothes.

I started really limiting my purchases during the pandemic. Not being able to try things on in person or get things tailored certainly helped. That was also around the time my wife and I started saving up to buy a house.

It didn’t really get into gear, though, until the start of 2022 and since then I have purchased exactly three things for myself.

There was the $10 pair of gym shorts from Walmart (because I forgot to pack my bathing suit on vacation).

Then there was the $30 pair of Dickie’s jeans (since I had blown a hole in the knee of my one other pair of jeans).

Just the other day, I made the largest purchase for myself in about four years… a $135 pair of Carolina brand, steel-toe, logger boots.

Purchasing these boots has made me realize the problem with being too frugal.

One of the great things I learned over the years of not buying anything for myself was how to not be dependent on the dopamine rush that comes with buying new stuff. In the past, I would use new purchases as little rewards or pick-me-ups. After not buying anything for myself for years, I realized that the “newness” was what really excited me about most of those purchases, not necessarily the products themselves.

One thing I have gotten good at over the past few years is being able to discern what’s an actual hole in my wardrobe and what isn’t. Because of that, I’ve realized that I haven’t really NEEDED anything new for a long time.

Of course, as time wore on (and because I was writing content about it), my frugality took on an identity of itself.

That’s where I started to go wrong. And now I understand the problem with being too frugal.

The problem with being too frugal is that you neglect buying things that actually improve your life simply because you want to maintain that certain level of frugality.

Don’t get me wrong, being frugal is not a bad thing, within reason. It’s certainly a trait we dads want to be known for and pass along to our kids! But it can quickly become an anchor on your life, if you’re not careful. Let me explain…

The reason I was looking for a new pair of boots was because the brown work boots you guys have seen me feature numerous times here don’t have a great sole for the winter. The sole is grippy enough for the other three seasons, but the winter where I live is very icy and slippery. I’ve almost fallen a few times this season already and I wanted a boot that would help me feel more secure as I navigated my driveway and other uneven terrain. I was also looking for a boot with a steel toe, since I really don’t want to have to call 911 with an axe blade in my foot.

Ideally, I also wanted a boot that was insulated and waterproof.

The town adjacent to mine has a very good shoe store stocked with lots of options for work boots, so I popped in and poked around hoping to find something that ticked off all those boxes.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a boot that had an aggressive tread, was waterproof, insulated, comfortable, good-looking, steel-toed, and priced at a point I found reasonable. Basically, my unicorn boot didn’t exist.

What was I to do? I was tempted to just not get anything because I had trained myself to not settle for something just because I wanted to buy something new.

Even after I tried on the boots I ended up buying, I wasn’t convinced these were the boots for me, even though they were handsome, comfortable, steel-toed, and had a sufficient tread.

So, even though these boots solved a handful of the problems I had with my current boots, I was ready to pass them by because they weren’t “perfect”.

And THAT is the problem with excessive frugality!

I was so focused on not spending money that I was about to miss the fact that these boots would actually improve my life in two significant ways, namely, feeling more secure on my feet throughout the day and providing safety while I engaged in my hobby.

Those two things are very important!

But my excessive frugality almost got in the way and made it so that I was not going to make incremental improvement in my situation.

I was prepared to settle for wholly inadequate boots (the ones I already owned) because I was too focused on making the “perfect” purchase. I was letting perfect be the enemy of good.

Now, since we’re talking about frugality, we need to discuss the issue of price. The boots I bought came to about $135. This was an amount I was willing to spend for what these boots provided me. If they were more expensive, I might not have been ok with the fact that they didn’t check ALL my boxes. But since they were a price that wasn’t concerning, I was willing to pull the trigger.

If you’re in a situation where a certain price is outside your budget, then absolutely adhere to your frugality! In this case though, the price was not so high that it was of any major concern, which was why I was alright with them not being totally perfect.

But since I was willing to go with “not totally perfect” I actually have boots that are BETTER than the ones I had before. They’re not everything I want in a boot, but they are an improvement in certain areas. On the whole, my “boot experience” is better than it was before because I was able to step outside my excessive frugality for a little while.

So, now that I have broken the “streak” and made a fairly significant purchase for myself… how do I feel?

Well, I don’t really feel much of anything.

And that’s good!

You would think that buying something I wanted after NOT buying anything for myself for the majority of three years would elicit some strong emotions. But that’s not what happened.

When I bought these boots, I didn’t feel the little dopamine rush I used to get when buying new things. Leaving the store with the boots, I felt like I was leaving the grocery store on any given day. I just felt… nothing.

But listen up… it’s a GOOD thing that I didn’t get any happiness from the purchase itself. Because these boots won’t provide me with any happiness UNTIL I USE THEM. It’s the use and the connection I will form through that use that will provide me the satisfaction I get from my clothes, not simply the act of purchasing them.

The happiness you get from an item shouldn’t just come from its newness. If your happiness with an item diminishes with time, then it’s clear you only liked PURCHASING the item and you didn’t actually like the item itself. Your happiness should actually increase with time since you’re using the item and building memories with it.

Even though my frugality almost got in the way this time, I am thankful that I have trained myself to stop feeling good about buying new things. Because that feeling should NOT be part of the satisfaction we get from our clothes simply because it won’t last and you’ll always need another purchase to get that same rush. Therefore, it’s not the clothes that are making us feel good.

Frugality, I’ve discovered, is a delicate balance. On the one hand, you don’t want to be wasteful or frivolous with your money. On the other hand, though, you don’t want to be so tight-fisted that you miss out on simple, reasonable pleasures that would markedly improve your life.

So, here’s my advice: practice frugality to the point where you have trained your brain to stop feeling pleasure from the purchase itself but make sure you can still recognize when you should make incremental improvements in your wardrobe.

In the coming weeks, after I use my boots for a while, I will write a review of them. Until then, I’ll absolutely feature them in a few “OOTW” articles.

Stayed tuned!