Let’s Learn From The Ladies

In general, I find it’s best to not take advice from women when it comes to men’s style. This might sound a little offensive, but hear me out for a second…

As a man, I would not offer advice on how a woman should dress. Because I don’t understand it. I don’t wear (or have to shop for) the clothes in question. I don’t understand how certain items emphasize or deemphasize certain aspects of the body (the way I do with menswear). I don’t know the histories or significances of certain garments. I don’t understand the “language” of women’s clothing.

I don’t live that experience. So, any advice on women’s clothing, coming from me, would be uninformed. Ignorant.

Now, that would be different if I were a dress-maker or a women’s clothing designer or had some sort of experience I could point to that validated my opinions.

But I don’t have that experience. So, I never offer advice to women on what they should wear.

Just like how I don’t have the proper experience to advise women on their wardrobes, I find it equally true that most women don’t have the experience to advise men on their wardrobes, beyond the basics of “tuck in your shirt”, “wear a jacket”, “comb your hair”, that sort of thing.

But even though I don’t feel like I have any authority to advise women on what they should or shouldn’t wear, I can absolutely give my OPINION on what I PREFER to see women wearing.

See the difference?

A while back, I wrote an article about the five things women love seeing men wear. That article wasn’t advice from a woman (my wife), it was simply stating opinion and preference. Those things can be disagreed with, but they can’t really be argued against.

I think it’s incredibly important to listen to women when it comes to what they like seeing us men wear.

But beyond simply knowing what particular women find attractive on a man (which can vary from woman to woman, obviously), what lessons can we learn from the ladies and how can we apply it to menswear?

What made me think of all this was a few videos I saw on Instagram lately. The videos started off showing what the host (usually a woman) looked like a number of years ago and then compared it to what they looked like now. Inevitably, the “now” picture was much more attractive.

Typical “glow-up” content. And like I said, it’s usually women who post this kind of stuff.

What are the constants in the “now” images that make the person more attractive? And what can we men learn from this typically female-centric content?

The first thing that jumps out about the “now” pictures is the fact that the individual is in better physical shape. I know I run a site about clothing and a lot of what I write about is how clothing can be pretty magical in making us look like handsomer versions of our true selves, but clothing can only take us so far.

An adequate level of fitness is an incredibly important foundation for building good style. But that’s not because clothes look better on better-looking people (although that certainly can be a factor).

No, it’s because people who exercise regularly are more confident. Despite how one looks, if they exercise regularly, they are usually more self-assured, outgoing, calm, and optimistic. These are all traits that radiate out of people and are evident as soon as you meet them (and contribute to them seeming well-dressed or stylish).

No “glow-up” content contains individuals who are in worse shape than when they started.

Guys, that means that you need to be at an acceptable level of physical fitness. What does “acceptable” mean? Well, it means “could you keep your family safe if you needed to?”. Could you pick up your kids and run with them if you had to flee a dangerous situation like a public shooting? Could you pick up your wife and carry her out of a burning building? Can you pull or push your bodyweight? Can you sprint at full speed without hurting yourself?

If you can’t do these things you need to take steps to increase your physical capacity. You could know a ton about menswear… the history, how to create outfits, how to get your tailor to give you the proper proportions… but if you don’t have a baseline of physical fitness, you’ll never look as good as someone who does. Clothing can only do so much.

Here’s an extreme example, but it’s one that illustrates my point…

Whenever Henry Cavill wears a suit, tons of online menswear wieners will gleefully tear him down and say he looks like crap because his suits are ill-fitting. Well, yeah, his suits don’t fit very well because of his extreme build. But what the online menswear community fails to grasp (or willfully resists grasping) is that he is still f*cking Henry Cavill and looks incredible no matter what because he’s handsome, fit, and charismatic!

Online menswear dorks consider him “poorly dressed” but they’re ignoring the point. A handsome, muscular, confident man in a poorly tailored suit, will look better than a sour, doughy, out-of-shape, unhealthy man in the best bespoke suit money can buy.

That might not be what we Clothes Bros want to hear, but it’s true and that’s how the real world works outside of our Instagram and TikTok bubbles.

Chris Evans is another example. I wrote about him a while back in an article about how clothes don’t really matter all that much (read the article, it will all make sense). Evans is so gracious and warm, in the instances I cite in the article, that no one really notices what he’s wearing. Sure, I could nitpick his outfits, but it’s his confidence that makes him look amazing. The fact that he is in great physical shape plays a big part in that.

The second constant in female “glow-up” content is personal grooming. These ladies are almost always shown with better makeup and with their hair done in the “now” pictures.

How does this apply to men?

Well, obviously we aren’t wearing makeup, but we can certainly get our hair cut regularly. We can also make sure we are shaving at normal intervals.

Facial hair is always a bit of a grey area when it comes to men’s style. We can always point to examples of men looking great with the unkempt “five-o-clock shadow” look (like Harrison Ford or Viggo Mortensen). But, those guys are the exception, not the rule. In general, it’s better to be intentional with your facial hair.

If you’re clean-shaven, then shave your face as often as you can to keep that look. If you have a mustache, keep the mustache trimmed to a length you prefer and keep the rest clean-shaven. If you have a beard, make sure it isn’t too long.

“Intentional” is the key word. What looks bad is if you let your facial hair (whatever the style) start to get away from you. It will make you look careless.

And in “glow-up” content, nothing is careless.

The next most important detail in “glow-up” content is clothing. I know this is an article ostensibly about clothing posted to a clothing website, but I am listing clothing as third-most-important because even the best clothes will look bad unless someone’s fitness and hygiene aren’t already taken care of properly.

When it comes to clothes, what are the constants in the “before” images of the “glow-ups”? Things like hoodies. Baggy shorts. Flip-flops. Oversized t-shirts. Basically, items that scream “I’ve given up” but corners of the internet are quick to defend depending on what the latest trends are.

In other words, we all know what crap looks like, so let’s stop wasting time defending it.

The “after” images inevitably include clothing choices that are well-thought-out… dresses, high-heels, etc. For us men, “well-thought-out” can mean a number of things, but to me, it means “timeless, well-fitting, simple”.

Sure, you can wear a suit and tie. But you can also wear a t-shirt and jeans if it’s done with a bit of intention, ie making sure the items fit properly, the shirt is free from conspicuous logos… stuff like that.

Honestly, at this point, you know what “dressing better” means. We all know it when we see it.

Ok, so we have fitness, hygiene, and clothing as the three main components of effective “glow-ups”. But what’s the main, overarching message here? What do all these things have in common? What is evident as soon as you see the “after” images of this content?

EFFORT!

These women are clearly putting in effort to look better! Even before we notice that they are in better shape, or are wearing a nice dress, we notice that they have put in a ton of effort into looking good. It’s only after we notice the effort that we notice the specifics.

And that is where a ton of men get stuck! So many men want to look good but they don’t want to look like they are “trying too hard”. They want to look good while also looking like “they just don’t care”.

And I get it! Being intentional can be scary. If we are intentional, it means we are trying. And when we try, we might fail. And none of us wants to fail. I wrote about this some time ago and how it held me back from succeeding in all areas of my life.

That fear of failure stems from a lack of confidence. Not only are men not coached from a young age on how to dress well, but we are told that we need to be competent and successful in all things. Trying and then failing shows the world that we AREN’T competent. And that’s scary for men.

It’s self-preservation. If I am woefully unprepared to do something, am I going to give it my all in front of a bunch of onlookers when I know that failure might make me look silly? Probably not. I’d probably give it a half-hearted attempt so that I can lean on “oh well I didn’t really try” when I inevitably fail.

Men do the same with clothes.

With practice, dressing well becomes easier (and more enjoyable), but there is always the risk that you’ll try something and fail. The goal not to avoid failure at all costs, it’s to understand that the “success” isn’t the point. The EFFORT is the point. The effort is what means something. The effort is what shows other people you care about them (and yourself).

I think that’s the biggest takeaway from “glow-up” content. Regardless of how the person looks in the “after” images, it’s clear that they have put in time and effort into looking “better” (whatever that might mean for them).

The end result is secondary to the effort, itself. And THAT’S what we can learn from the ladies.