Brag About Your Family

I know a guy (very peripherally) who, when talking about his school-age son, always uses some sort of derogatory language.

He could be recounting something funny his son did, but he will always add something like, “yeah, he’s an idiot” or “what a moron”.

I’m not sure I have ever heard him NOT take an opportunity to verbally take down his own kid in public.

Honestly, it makes me sad for the kid. Can you imagine how he would feel if he knew his own dad spoke about him like that? His own dad!

Kids face enough headwinds in their lives without having to deal with their own parents mocking them.

I struggle to see what this guy gets out of constantly making fun of his son. I’m not sure why he does it. I guess he thinks he’s being funny. It’s odd that he doesn’t realize that it makes other people (rightfully) uncomfortable to hear it.

This got me thinking about how we speak about our loved ones in public. I think it’s incredibly important to never speak ill of your wife or children to other people. And yes, that includes teasing. Teasing is sometimes even more harmful because the people who do it often think it’s just harmless fun. I bet the guy I just described thinks it’s all a big joke and he’s not doing anything harmful.

But I bet the kid knows. I bet the kid has overheard his dad making fun of him to other people. Given the age of the boy, I find it highly unlikely that he’s in on the “joke”.

All this does is weaken the family bond and damage self-esteem. For what? Getting a few awkward chuckles?

How is this kid going to successfully navigate life if he’s used to hearing his own dad call him an idiot? And won’t it be more likely that he will tolerate that kind of treatment from others in his life (and, down the line, probably dish it out to his OWN family)?

When you talk about your wife or kids, how do you describe them to other people? I hope you’re not making fun of them or bringing them down in any way. In fact, you should be bragging about them.

Your love for them should shine through whenever you speak about them. You shouldn’t be airing any dirty laundry. You should be an impenetrable fortress in the minds of others. They should know they’ll never hear any dirt from you regarding the family.  

Speaking in glowing terms about your wife and children to others not only improves other people’s opinions about them, but it improves other people’s opinions about YOU, too!

You become the source from which endless positivity about your family springs. You become the rock. People will leave conversations with you thinking, “Wow, he’s such a good dad” or “Aw, he really loves his wife”.

Now, I’m not saying that you need to have a perfect family. Every family has some discord now and again. But everyone knows that. So, the fact that you’re speaking well of your family at every chance you get means even more because people know that things aren’t great 100% of the time. It then becomes evident to them that you will always speak of them with love and respect no matter what. That helps others see you as a man of integrity.

And honestly, how would you feel if you knew your spouse or child made fun of you or spoke of you negatively to other people. Wouldn’t you be absolutely gutted? After all, these are the people who are supposed to love you most! They’re supposed to have your back through good times and bad.

Speaking ill of your wife or child to other people is a betrayal of trust.

And when I say you “brag” about your family, I don’t mean be obnoxious or arrogant. I mean you should delight in saying nice things about the people you love. You should shout their successes from the rooftops but handle failures or embarrassments privately within the family.

I know some of you will think I am being too up tight. Maybe. But I am not going to take the risk that what I say might weaken my marriage or my relationship with my children. I’d rather take every step to strengthen them.

I can’t even fathom saying an unkind word about my kids to someone else. I love my boys with all my being. My oldest sings to babies when they cry. My youngest kisses me on the cheek while I clip his fingernails. They are beautiful little souls and I never want anything to cause them sadness. I certainly will never voluntarily do that by making fun of them behind their backs.

And I hope you won’t do that to your wife or kids, either.